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Peyton Manning is Evil

Sep 18, 2006 – 11:18 AM
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Stephanie Stradley

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Yesterday, Peyton Manning put exactly 400 passing yards up in the Colts' 43-24 buttocks rendering of the Texans. You might think that this is a result of the Colts being a better team, or that it is a result of the catastrophic and complete failure of the Texans defense.


No, that is just the conventional theory. A more in depth view reveals the sinister truth: Peyton Manning is Evil, and that he has a pact with Mephistopheles.


The Peyton stayed in the game late, and kept throwing the ball down field. (Kind of like the DirecTV commercials showing the Peyton throwing a late TD on the Titans).


A less evil Manning might have given the ball to his running back to eat up clock time. The Peyton might claim he was taking what the defense was giving him, but it is my belief that this is just a cover for his wicked, stat padding ways.


Apparently, the Peyton has no risk of injury because of his pact with Lucifer. If he gets hurt, basically Indy's season is screwed. The Texans kept pressuring the Peyton and sacked him two times in the third and fourth quarters. Why did Tony Dungy risk Indy's season by not removing his starting quarterback during junk time? Or protecting him at least by using the running game? Dungy must be an evil minion who knows of the Peyton's nefarious pact that protects the Colts' QB from grievous injury. Either that or he has the Peyton on his fantasy team.


All gesticulating at the line that the Peyton does? No, he is not directing the offense, rather he is performing ritualistic signs and signals to his evil master. Just think about it. Think. About. It.


I believe good eventually triumphs over evil. This explains why the Peyton has never been to the Superbowl.


Okay, my theory might be wrong. But I think Texans fans should get a moral pass for wishing for the Peyton's head on a stick when he keeps throwing the ball deep after the game is well in hand. You would think that someday the Peyton would get hurt slinging up yards in junk minutes, but I'm guessing he and El Diablo are not concerned.


Filed under: Sports

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