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R.I.P. Synthetic NBA Basketball

Dec 11, 2006 – 9:14 PM
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J.E. Skeets

J.E. Skeets %BloggerTitle%

Might as well get a head start on this obituary...

Synthetic basketball, "Orange Roundie", age 6 months, died at KeyArena in Seattle, Washington on Sunday, December 31, 2006, following a courageous battle with high-friction cover, moisture management control, and severe complications to his bounce.

Roundie was born June 28, 2006, in a mysterious Black Box, to NBA Commissioner David Stern. He served in the NBA Basketball Association, from October 31, 2006 until death, and was stationed at various summer league camps. He attained the rank of Official (basketball). On November 9, 2006, he was united in a shotgun marriage to a Koosh ball in Las Vegas.

Roundie graduated from the Spalding Group, in Springfield, MA. Being the orangey and roundest member of his class he was affectionately called "Orange Roundie" by his classmates, bloggers, and um... ahem, Scoop Jackson.

Roudie was a member of the Church of Scientology. He enjoyed bouncing, rolling, spinning, and recording odd home videos in a creepy British accent.

Roundie is survived by his wife, Koosh, and his entire Microfiber family: Waffle Weave Microfiber Cleaning and Drying Towels, Microfiber Mop Kit with Swivel Head, Microfiber High Duster Wand, and his arch-nemesis Old Leather. He is also further survived by NBA players, officials, fans, and many other balls, including Wilson. Roundie was preceded in death by short-shorts and a closer three-point line.

Funeral services for Roundie will be held at 1:00 p.m., Monday, January 1, in New York City, NY. NBA Sr. Vice President of Basketball Operations Stu Jackson will deflate.

In lieu of flowers, E-bay auctions have been established in his name.

Goodbye sweet, technologically-advanced ball. Goodbye.
Filed under: Sports