Who Should LA Fans Root For?

Fans of the defunct L.A. Rams football team that root for the St. Louis football team have the lowest self-esteem of any professional sports fan. It's true. They are the proverbial battered wife of the sports world. Sure, Georgia Frontandrearie has repeatedly beaten you with a frying pan, but deep down she really loves you. She does.

Just like she loved her ex-husband Carroll Rosenbloom.

It must have broke her heart to have him killed while swimming in the ocean. Allegedly, of course. Olympic-trained swimmers drown in three feet of water all of the time. Yeah, there was nothing fishy about that. And to her discredit, she never attempted to pen a book entitled, "If I Did It." Instead, she just screwed her step-son Steve Rosenbloom out of his share of the team.

Yes, she has a heart of gold.

But it's time to take the high-road here. It's important not to view Georgia as an alleged-murdering, ex-showgirl. She should be remembered as one of the worst owners in the history of the NFL. (Some might say Art Modell, but he never killed anybody. Allegedly.) Georgia Frontandrearie is the Yoko Ono of NFL owners.

Still, you don't root for owners, right? Ask any Raiders fan. So what should L.A. Rams fans have done when the team folded after the 1994 season and an expansion team was placed in St. Louis with the same name, logo, players and front office staff?The San Diego Chargers. The obvious choice. A former Los Angeles team that moved just a few miles down the road into sunny San Diego. Like, who wouldn't rather live in San Diego anyway? Plus, all of your blue-and-gold clothing would have blended right in.

The Oakland Raiders. Kind of a tough one here. There is only one known reported case of this happening and it was quite successful. Two months after converting to the Raiders, said fan was arrested, making him a full-fledge member of the Raider Nation.

The Arizona Cardinals. Smart, smart choice here. Listen, the Bidwells are not great owners. But at least they realized what an (expletive) hole St. Louis is. Only white trash home-wreckers such as Georgia would ever want to leave Southern California to go to St. Louis, America's Gateway to Hell.

USC. At least that is what the smart people did.

Al Qaeda. Because if you still root for St. Louis, then the terrorists have won.

Or better yet, you stop watching football altogether or become a degenerate gambler.