Michael Jordan is Now Free to Enjoy Much Stanky on His Hangdown

Seventeen years of ~~love~~ ~~faithfulness~~ ~~devotion~~ legally-binding marriage between Michael Jordan and his wife Juanita are coming to an end. They filed for divorce earlier today, "mutually and amicably," as they say.

There was a recent report in the New York Post's Page Six about Jordan attempting to pick up some girls at Pink Elephant. When asked about it, a source said that Jordan was attempting to pick up the girls "for his friends," which happened to include Derek Jeter, Patrick Ewing, and Charles Oakley.

It's my guess that none of those gentlemen have much trouble talking girls out of their panties (though I wouldn't be surprised if, every now and then, Ewing had to pay for it), and even if they did... well, I don't know of any friend in the world good enough to have some dimes on the line, just to hand them to a friend.

What I'm saying is that I don't believe Michael Jordan was picking up girls for his friends. And if he was, then I desperately want to be Michael Jordan's friend.

Juanita actually filed for divorce once before, in 2002. She withdrew it, though, when the couple decided that they'd like to attempt to reconcile. Much to the chagrin of Michael Jordan, "reconcile" does not mean, "see if she'll finally stop bitching about it every time I go out and try to bag more poon."

What I see in Michael Jordan's future is a lot of sex, much of it probably with women that you'd think weren't quite in the Jordan class, because hey, that's just easier. What I see in Juanita Jordan's future is money ... and quite a lot of it. My homeboy The Big Lead sets the over/under on how much she'll get in a settlement at $300 million. I think that probably sounds about right. Six months from now, you could be at a Foot Locker purchasing a pair of Juanita Jordans.