Schadenfreude: Because It's All We've Got

Over the course of the past week I slowly began to prepare myself for the unbridled misery of the NFL playoffs opening weekend. Not only did Dallas have a chance for glory but either the Giants or the Eagles are headed into the next round. Just thinking about it was enough to make me boycott the NFC playoffs (especially when you consider the crap-tastic participants).

Then last night happened, and suddenly I'm giddy like Gilbert on stage with Diddy. Watching Dallas blow last night's game in Seattle was pretty much everything I could have hoped for (if only Bill Parcells had gotten run over like JoePa!). In fact, it was the single greatest moment in the playoffs since the Giants fumbled that field goal snap against San Francisco. Things were just starting to look pretty good in Dallas and last night's events might be just enough to destroy their foundation. Parcells is going to bail, Jones is going to hire somebody stupid, and the Romo/TO feud will reach it's fruition come next season.

Last night's game has even gotten me excited for this afternoon's deplorable divisional match-up. Even though I can hardly imagine myself watching without the aid of some financial interest I know have something to root for, the complete and utter humiliation of one franchise. So what exactly could happen today that would match yesterday's debacle? Let's take a look.

1. Eli Manning plays the way everyone on Earth expects him to, he throws more interceptions than completions and prompts Giant fans all over the tri-state area to burn his Fathead in effigy.

2. Philly plays an amazing offensive game under the guidance of Jeff Garcia. The eastern half of Pennsylvania falls in love with his magnificently shiny forehead and a quarterback controversy rages throughout the off-season. Donovan gets so pissed off that he manages to opt out of his contract. A.J. Feeley manages to win the starting job and Heather Mitts lands a job on the cheerleading squad.

Enjoy the misery!