Bette Midler is the Wind Beneath David Stern's Wings

If you were wondering about what entertainment the NBA had planned for All-Star weekend (and after the Cowboy Troy fiasco, you should always be wondering about that) ... the Las Vegas Review Journal brings us this:

I'm hearing the NBA is in hot pursuit of Bette Midler, the original Diva Las Vegas, to sing the National Anthem at the All-Star Game. Makes sense, given all the talk that she is Celine Dion's successor at Caesars. ...

Well, obviously.

Nothing says "NBA" quite like "Bette Midler." I know that David Stern doesn't look at these things as an opportunity to give NBA fans and players entertainment that they would like, but rather, an opportunity to grow the audience by providing something out of the NBA box, but ... come on. Do you think any aging housewives out there are going to start going to Grizzlies games because Bette Midler did the national anthem at the All-Star game?

I don't know. I've stopped trying to figure out David Stern. What I'm more concerned with at the moment is which current or former NBA player is most likely to try to sleep with Bette Midler. My guesses ...

A. Stephen Jackson. Jack strikes me as the kind of guy who just ... doesn't ... care. When the lights are off, Stephen Jackson doesn't discriminate.

B. Shawn Kemp. No risk of reproducing with Bette. Her long-gone fertility is a major turn-on for the Reign Man. A safe and wise change of pace for Shawn Kemp.

C. Charles Oakley. Sometimes, a man gets tired of converting Michael Jordan's put-backs, and he has to go out on his own. Bette would be a reasonable target.

D. Tim Duncan. Celebrates Bette Midler's entire catalogue.