Painfully Unreliable All-Star Picks: Three-Point Contest

All-Star Weekend is not only about parties and groupies. Indeed, its proceedings are just as much about victory and defeat as anything else that happens before the second half. With this in mind, we three FanHouse wisemen have put together our expert opinions on what might happen.

Foot Locker Three-Point Shootout:

Gilbert Arenas, Washington Wizards: 3:2. Of all the contestants in the thing, he has the lowest 3PT%. He'll also want it more than anyone else, though, and has probably been dreaming of getting avenging his loss since the finished as runner-up to Dirk last year. He'll win, and will probably call Mike Krzyzewski immediately afterwards and tell him to go to hell.

Dirk Nowitzki, Dallas Mavericks: 3:1. The winners of these things do have a tendency to repeat. They've had 20 of these, and only 9 times has the winner been a different guy from the year before. Bird did it (x3), so did Craig Hodges (x3), Mark Price, Jeff Hornacek, and Peja Stojakovic. His familiarity with the format is his biggest advantage.

Jason Kapono, Miami Heat: 6:1. Leads the NBA in three-point percentage, and there's really not a close second. He's at 56%, and the closest to him is Steve Nash at 49%. I think he'll end up losing, though, and somehow, someway, it will be Antoine Walker's fault.

Mike Miller, Memphis Grizzlies: 8:1. Not the sexiest of candidates, but does have the smooth stroke to come in and pull the upset. He's also come off the bench a lot in his career, so it won't be a problem for him to sit for a while, step up to a rack cold, and start unloading.

Jason Terry, Dallas Mavericks: 9:1. He's a fantastic shooter, but seems more like a guy who thrives on the pressure of the moment. If you're in a Game 7, down 2, with under ten seconds to play, you probably can't do much better than Jason Terry. I think he'll struggle with the repetitive format, though.

Damon Jones, Cleveland Cavaliers: 20:1. Jones is probably only in the competition because he pretty much begged to be included. He'll want it more than anyone other than Arenas, because he's desperate to be famous. His performance will be memorable, but probably not because he won, but because he took the court in zebra print assless chaps or something. He seems destined to fail.

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Shoals' Three-Point Winner: Gilbert Arenas. Nothing involving Arenas makes any sense, so of course the league's great three-point daredevil would win this careful, mannered competition. We can only hope that he shoots from three feet behind the arc. This is a largely sentimental pick, since streaky guards as about as likely to take this as big men are the Dunk Contest.

Skeets' Three-Point Winner: Jason Kapono. Forgive me if this sounds blunt, but Jason Kapono is white, un-athletic and plays in the National Basketball Association. You DO know what that means, right? HE CAN SHOOT THE DAMN BALL!

See also: Dunk Contest Predictions | All-Star Game MVP Predictions