Barry Bonds and George Mitchell Do Not Get Along

That headline is a bit presumptuous - hey, maybe they catch movies together all the time! - but it's difficult to see Barry Bonds and George Mitchell agreeing about anything.

Mitchell, a former Senate Majority Leader who is leading baseball's steroids inquiry (or investigation, or whatever you call it), sent a letter to Bonds and other players asking them for legal access to their medical records. Bonds politely replied "Eff No, dude," and his lawyer pulled out the ever-handy trump card:

Bonds' lawyer Michael Rains told the Chronicle that Bonds cannot cooperate as long as he remains the focus of a possible perjury indictment. Rains did not immediately return calls from The Associated Press on Sunday night.
Rains said Bonds wanted to help but could not do so while facing possible indictment on perjury charges related to his testimony before a grand jury investigating the Bay Area Laboratory Co-Operative, the Northern California lab that allegedly provided performance-enhancing drugs to the athletes.

I'm not sure whether that's the law or not - I haven't gotten further than the LSAT, and perjury statutes weren't included - but I would imagine Bonds' lawyer wouldn't just make up laws on the fly. That would be pretty ballsy.

On the other hand, I especially appreciate the "Rains said Bonds wanted to help ..." part. I would imagine that phone conversation went a little something like this:

"Yeah, Barry really wanted to help, Mr. Mitchell. He really did. It's just this, this nagging perjury charge. I know, right? It's like they expected him to tell the truth up there! And his medical history is totally clean, believe me. ... No! No, he did not try to hire the plastic surgeons from that weird Nip/Tuck show to try to reduce the ever-burgeoning size of his head, and no, he did not have work done, um, down below ... nor did he have hair and acne removal surgery on his back. Totally prurient and false rumors, and the court will vindicate my client! Anyway, I've got to go, Pacman's on the other line. Caio!"

Previously in the MLB FanHouse:
'Barry Bonds Lives in an Alternate Reality'
'Remember That Steroid Investigation? George Mitchell's Not Done Yet'