MLB At Least Slightly Interested in This Whole Steroids Thing

Just when you thought Major League Baseball wasn't curious about all these steroids being bought and sold on that darn internet, well, don't worry: they are so totally going to, like, call people and stuff:

"We're looking into it," baseball spokesman Rich Levin said Thursday. "I know our people are going to contact the Albany district attorney."

Oooooh! Slam! Gary Matthews, look out ... Major League Baseball is hot on your heels like the Dog the Bounty Hunter. Don't think you can escape the Dog, brah.

Isn't this a little congenial? Shouldn't the "baseball spokesman" have a more severe statement prepared, so when all these pesky reporters get through on his home line he can drop something, oh, a little like this:

"I did not have sexual rela- "

Sorry. Wrong statement. Where was I? Oh, right:

"Major League Baseball is obviously aware of the rumors and innuendo surrounding some current players. I want to make it clear to people that we do not take them lightly, and that we are doing everything we can to pursue offenders of our drug policy and to ensure the integrity of our game and the safety of our players, while also respecting their fundamental rights."

Maybe a little long winded, but I think it does the trick. It sure beats "I'm planning on calling that dude that knows about it as soon as I get the chance ... which might be tomorrow because I have this really weird growth on my back that I have to take care of, and the doctor only has Thursday nights free ... hold on a sec ... honey, can you pick the kids up from soccer tomorrow? I have to call the Albany DA."