The Twins Are All Juicing

No matter where we turn our attention in baseball, it seems as though we always come back to that one topic. Steroids. Whether it's Barry Bonds and his magic growing head, or Gary Matthews and how he spends his time surfing the internet, it's always about the damn steroids.

The Minnesota Twins have heard about steroids so much, that they figure they might as well go public with their own performance enhancing juice, the same juice responsible for their late season surge to an AL Central title.

"We started drinking carrot juice around the time we started winning last year," said Twins catcher Joe Mauer. "Some of our guys think that's the reason we won. We'd have about 20 guys drinking carrot juice after batting practice. Except for [Justin] Morneau and [Nick] Punto -- they drank slurpees."

"I think the carrot juice might have done it for us," said shortstop Jason Bartlett. "I started drinking it in the offseason, but then I had to clean it myself, so I stopped after about a week. We need someone to make it this year. You can't mess with success."

It doesn't look as if anyone on the roster is willing to make the carrot juice, but luckily for the team, Joe Mauer has found a replacement.

"Someone gave me this stuff," Mauer said, pulling what looked like a wine bottle from his locker. "It's not wine. It's called MonaVie. It's supposed to be good for you."

Mauer then went out and hit a 3-run homer in the 5th inning, so I'm willing to bet you'll find more MonaVie in the Twins clubhouse in the future.

Well, until George Mitchell finds out about it anyway.