Jennie Finch Wants to Be Your Fantasy Girl

Yesterday I was watching ESPNEWS and when I heard the words "fantasy baseball" uttered, I immediately perked up. Afterall, only the combination of Mean Girls, Newcastle, Kelly Kapowski, and a nut flush get me as excited as a fantasy baseball draft (and not necessarily in that order). As you could imagine, I quickly grabbed a pen and paper, ready to take copious notes on the latest projections. HOWEVA, where I expected to see fantasy baseball expert Tristan Cockroft seated next to my man Josh Elliott, I was startled at what was next to pop up on my screen.

There she was...all six feet of her bodaciously blond and unfortunately no-longer-single body...America's strike out queen...Jennie Finch.

After my brief Squints/Wendy Peffercorn moment was over, I was surprised to see...how little she knew about fantasy baseball!!! Despite a full-on production crew supplying graphics packed with stats, and Elliott serving up softballs one after another (no pun intended), Finch couldn't even manage to move the runner over with a weak grounder to the right side. Amongst her name-dropping gems pulled from notes on a crumpled piece of yellow notebook paper was this analysis of Randy Johnson (Casey refers to Finch's husband Casey Daigle who pitches for Arizona):

"Casey's been hanging out with Randy, he's working harder than ever. He's going to have a great season next year. He's moving from the NL to the AL he'll get to face pitchers this year. I'm looking for a good strong year from Randy Johnson."

Funny, I didn't know the Yankees were in the AL, where apparently pitchers also bat now. Yes, yes, I know it was just a slip-up, nothing major. Bottom line, regardless of how bad she may have been in her first fantasy baseball segment, she can always improve as the season goes on, and she is guaranteed to always, ALWAYS, look more attractive, than Eric Karabell. And in my book, that's just fine.