College Football Spared Theismann(!!!)

LOUD NOISES! The Miami Herald buries the lead something wicked but is the first to report on the bullet college football fans just dodged:

Theismann on Thursday rejected an offer to be a college football analyst for ABC and ESPN. ''Joe feels he's an NFL guy and wants to stay focused on the NFL,'' said Theismann's agent, Sandy Montag.

Thank God. No, like, seriously: God, I owe you one. Perhaps even more than one what with the whole creation thing. Even better? Theismann is getting the Barton Fink treatment...

You didn't let ME down. Or even Lou. We don't live or die by what you scribble, Fink. You let Ben Geisler down. He liked you. Trusted you. And that's why he's gone. Fired. that guy had a heart as big as the outdoors, and you f***ed him. He tried to convince me to fire you too, but that would be too easy. No, you're under contract and you're gonna stay that way. Anything you write will be the property of Capitol Pictures. And Capitol Pictures will not produce anything you write. Not until you grow up a little. You ain't no writer, Fink - you're a goddamn write-off.

...from ESPN:

Theismann, who has four years left on his contract with ESPN, probably will do some NFL work for ESPN Radio (which doesn't carry NFL games) and espn.com. Although Theismann could try to escape his contract to pursue NFL work at another network, Montag said that scenario hasn't been discussed.

Banished to the seedy backwaters of a radio network devoid of NFL games and ESPN Insider columns read by literally dozens? It's a beautiful day. Now... can we talk about Bill Walton?

(Via Ben Maller.)

Previously on the Fanhouse:
Joe Theismann Has Not Lost His Keen Sense of Logic
What Should Joe Theismann Do Next? American Gladiators!
College Football Fans React Negatively To Theismann Rumor
Joe Theismann Does Not Share Your Opinion of Joe Theismann