Crawford vs. Duncan: The Tale of the Tape

In an effort to get a better understanding of who would win the proposed brawl between NBA ref Joe Crawford and NBA superstar Tim Duncan, let's break things down here. With much respect to Nick Bakay, here's the Tale of the Tape.

	Joe Crawford	Tim Duncan
Lineage:	Comes from the most respected officiating family in history	His father is a Tibetan Monk and his mother is the Statue of Liberty
	Advantage: Crawford
Reach:	Barely long enough to get his hands in position to make a "T"	84 inches
	Advantage: Duncan
Fighting Style:	Biting, the windmill, groin-punching, etc.	Reads you poetry until you fall asleep, and then pays Francisco Elson $20 to beat you to death with a lead pipe
	Advantage: Push
Snaps into a rage when:	Anyone in his general vicinity experiences a pleasurable human emotion	Insufficient data available
	Advantage: Crawford
Also excels at:	Ejecting Don Nelson	Swimming
	Advantage: Push
In his free time:	Does it matter? I don't think anyone who plays Dungeons and Dragons has ever won a fight.	Plays Dungeons and Dragons
	Advantage: Crawford
Learned the ropes from:	"Dangerous" Danny Davis	David Robinson
	Advantage: Duncan
Posse Members:	Dick Bavetta, who's almost as fast as Charles Barkley and wears five pairs of socks every night	Tony Parker, who is French, Robert Horry, who is 53, and Manu Ginobili, who will instinctively fall down if Crawford even balls up his fist
	Advantage: Crawford
Nicknames:	"That Stubby Ref Who Wanted to Fight Tim Duncan."	"The Big Fundamental"
	Advantage: Duncan