Boris Diaw, Are You Ready to Be Tony Parker's Best Man?
DO orchestrate an epic bachelor party. Best bet cities include Brazil, Vegas, Brazil, Miami, Brazil, and Iceland.
DO NOT invite AC Slater.
DO inspect all bachelor party attendees to make sure that no cameras are present. Should ESPN's Sean Salisbury finagle his way into this, make sure to confiscate his cell phone.
DO NOT allow Parker to sing/rap at the wedding.
DO put Stephen Jackson and Pacman Jones in charge of locking of strippers for the bachelor party ... and then at the last minute pull a switcharoo on those clowns, and make sure they don't show up. Too dangerous.
DO NOT mention what a letdown season two of Desperate Housewives was in your wedding toast. Season three has been strong thus far, but last season was a colossal letdown.
DO make sure to pull aside AC Slater at the wedding and threaten his punk ass. He's close with Longoria ... probably too close.
DO NOT put the moves on Longoria's maid of honor, someone named Brittany Olson. I only say this because I can't find a photo of her. Your real target should be Jessica Simpson.