Boris Diaw, Are You Ready to Be Tony Parker's Best Man?

During the Spurs nail-biting victory over the Suns in game one of the Western Conference semifinals this weekend, a member of the ABC announcing crew (it may have been the underrated Mike Breen, I'm not sure) mentioned that Boris Diaw of Phoenix will be the best man at the wedding of San Antonio point guard Tony Parker this summer. The two are longtime best friends, and Parker fingered Diaw for the all important task of holding the wedding rings and setting up the bachelor party. I've got some experience in this department, and thought I'd offer Diaw some tips on best man decorum:

DO orchestrate an epic bachelor party. Best bet cities include Brazil, Vegas, Brazil, Miami, Brazil, and Iceland.
DO NOT invite AC Slater.
DO inspect all bachelor party attendees to make sure that no cameras are present. Should ESPN's Sean Salisbury finagle his way into this, make sure to confiscate his cell phone.
DO NOT allow Parker to sing/rap at the wedding.
DO put Stephen Jackson and Pacman Jones in charge of locking of strippers for the bachelor party ... and then at the last minute pull a switcharoo on those clowns, and make sure they don't show up. Too dangerous.
DO NOT mention what a letdown season two of Desperate Housewives was in your wedding toast. Season three has been strong thus far, but last season was a colossal letdown.
DO make sure to pull aside AC Slater at the wedding and threaten his punk ass. He's close with Longoria ... probably too close.
DO NOT put the moves on Longoria's maid of honor, someone named Brittany Olson. I only say this because I can't find a photo of her. Your real target should be Jessica Simpson.