2007 NBA Draft Lottery Live Blog

You don't need me to tell you why tonight's draft lottery is important.

The implications have been well-documented. It's Christmas morning for 14 lucky (read: crappy) teams and millions of fans around the globe. One stocking holds Greg Oden. Another has Kevin Durant. Others contain severed feet. (The ultimate stocking stuffer.) A year with no high school draftees, three exciting months of tanking, and at least one trip to a French cathedral... it's all for 10 minutes of glory tonight.

We'll bring you all the action right here at The FanHouse in this very thread, starting... um, now.

8:01: If you want make Jay Bilas more handsome (impossible?) and/or lose voluntary control of your lower jaw, The Big Picture's drinking game should do the trick.

8:03: Also, check out my lottery viewing guide at Ballhype. It will help you identify more quickly which fanbases will be screaming about conspiracy theories tomorrow morning.

8:04: I would like to see David Robinson dunk on his adolescent son. That would be exactly one more nasty streak than we saw in his entire 14 NBA seasons.

8:10: I love how ESPN's Bottom Line has scrawled the lottery teams' list of recent draft picks all day. Fans of these 14 teams already know their teams suck, why pour a margarita in the wound by rehashing the multiple bad decisions teams have made? Like the poor Hawks fans, for God's sake: Shelden Williams, Marvin Williams, Josh Childress, Boris Diaw, DerMarr Johnson, Roshown McLeod (!)... How sadist. This never happens in other sectors of life. Like, when the Missouri River swallows someone's house, the local news station doesn't replay the homeowner's recent Ace Hardware purchase decision over and over as the guy shovels the mud off his couch. The storm's coming, we should get some sandbags... damn, that nail gun is pretty fricking awesome. One nail gun, please. No one derives pleasure from common man's misfortune like ESPN. Except Dick Cheney. This is the crappy teams' Christmas and you're peeing all over the Yule Log. Stop it.

8:12: (By the way, the margarita would easily be the worst-case scenario for villainous wound dressage. All that citrusy acid, a pulpy lime wedge, and big-ass chunks of kosher salt... yikes. And it's not possible to make a margarita without some salt falling in from the rim. Unless you make a margarita without salt, and seriously, who drinks a margarita without salt? Actually, after thinking about the villainous wound dressage scenario, I will now drink margaritas without salt. Too risky otherwise. Actually, I think I'll switch to hyrdogen peroxide-tinis [already trademarked by Applebee's, of course].)

8:14: Dan Patrick is trying to get his ass whacked by David Stern this week, isn't he? Standing toe-to-toe with The Godfather on the Amare suspension, telling Kevin Durant he sucks... Mrs. Dan Patrick must have taken out a hefty life insurance policy with hid the Valium.

8:17: Which requires more sunblock: Greg Oden's nose, or Charles Barkley's neckroll(s)?

8:25: The post seems to be updating slowly, like not in the last 24 minutes. We're looking into it. Apologies. Anyways, here's my vote for most awkward lottery moment from the past, about 45 seconds in:



COMMIT OR BE RIDICULED ON NATIONAL TV, PHIL! She sounds like an angel. (Looks like Satan, however.)

8:30: The gentlemanly Dan Shanoff dusted off his liveblogging ascot for Deadspin. He thinks custom-ordering a Celtics Oden jersey at this juncture is douchebaggery. I guess I'll put my Sacramento Kings Spencer Hawes jersey away now... < insert sad face >

8:34: They're starting the process upstairs... which means 2 million Boston Celtics fans and 14 Atlanta Hawks fans can now hold their breath for the next 25 minutes. Starting... now.

8:40: Let's pour one out for the great Russ Granik, who retired as David Stern's left-hand man last summer. In his place, new No. 2 Adam Silver will play emcee. Two thoughts: 1) Adam Silver (left) looks like slightly maniacal, which makes him the absolute perfect heir to Stern, and 2) I am absolutely nervous about Silver's ability to match Granik's awkward pronounciation skills in the second round of the NBA draft. This is your chance to squelch those fears, Adam. "Representing the Indiana Pacers, we have Larry Beard. Oh... what's that?" (touches the mic in his ear, convulses as 20,000 watts run through him)

8:44: As we all get ready watch 30something billionaire playboy Phil Maloof check his watch 200 times in the next 15 minutes, just know that for an exhilarating five minutes this morning, I thought this dude -- Joe and Gavin's Uncle Phil -- was the Kings representative at the lottery. Upon learning this was fiction, my life was never the same... We should all feel robbed.

8:45: Billy King, Mike Dunleavy? Those guys are lucky? I have some Willie Greens and Yaroslev Korolevs I'd like to sell you. Also, George Shinn mated. Goosebumps... the bad kind.

8:47: 'Nique could break Larry Harris in half...

8:48: Yes, the stakes are high. Like at the Sizzler on top of Mt. McKinley. No switchs so far.

8:49: No love for Kevin Garnett. But the Bucks fall! Blazers and Sonics in top three! Boston falls! Millions of New Englanders leap into the Harbor!

8:51: It's Atlanta, Seattle, and Portland in the top 3. Phoenix gets no lottery pick. (Phew.) Can Oden save Seattle's franchise?

8:54: Portland wins! Portland wins! Seattle gets Durant, Atlanta, of course, will pick Corey Brewer or Julian Wright.

8:56: Boston, wow. Hope that 23-win season was worth it. Enjoy Yi Jianlian.

8:58: Jon Barry is a) an idiot for saying Portland will trade the pick, and b) will get murdered by Bill Simmons tonight. The flight to San Antonio is already booked. Wait, does San Antonio have an airport? (Yes, that was a 'SA is a cowtown' joke by someone from Sacramento. Screw you.)

8:59: Anyone think Jerry West didn't actually bring his lucky charms, but instead came to Secaucus with a Michael Heisley voodoo doll and a Lakers jersey under his suit?

9:00: Final thoughts: Both Oden and Durant end up in the Western Conference. WHAT THE HELL?! Luckily, if Portland and Seattle fans collectively burn their cities down in joyous revelation, there's a lot of water around to help put it out. Phoenix has had a terrible week... knocked out by David Stern's iron hammer and Nique's lucky pink tie. Yikes. And Milwaukee... so much for launching into the Eastern Conference Finals next year.

That's all for me, folks. The Big Lead will have a preliminary mock draft shortly. Drink liberally, Portland, and conservatively, Boston.