Hockey Nerd Tuesday: Jersey Porn

Hockey Nerd Tuesday is a weekly feature on NHL FanHouse that chronicles the stat-heads, gear geeks and fanboys (and girls) who spend an uncomfortable amount of time putting the "fan" in fanatic. Have a hockey nerd you'd like to see featured? E-mail Greg Wyshynski with the details.

I've heard hockey gear geeks describe their jersey collections with the kind of frightening fervor usually reserved for cult leaders. But I have never, until I came across this YouTube video, seen a Hockey Nerd passionately film his endless array of sweaters while a sexy slow jam played in the background, making the entire clip feel like a gear geek episode of "Red Shoe Diaries":

Was anyone else worried that the camera would pan over to some dude making out with a Swedish Elite League jersey in the corner of his bedroom?

Before you spend the rest of the afternoon breaking down the clip frame-by-frame to play "Whose Jersey Is it Anyway?", what did you feel was the most disturbing aspect of the video? The prominently displayed Alexei Yashin Senators sweater? The multi-tiered cat playground that appears to be made out of the grafted skin of Dalmatian puppies? I think it's clearly the fact that the Stevie Yzerman action figure is placed in front of the bottle of Goldschläger rather than the bottle of Patrón; c'mon, the guy was a captain, for Pete's sake. Show some respect.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to put on some French "bow-chicka-bow-wow" music and spend some "quality time" with my 2001 Stu Grimson Nashville road jersey...

Previously: Hockey Nerd Tuesday: Glory 5-Holes