Sumo Wrestler Locks Self In Apartment, Freaks Out

Big men don't cry--unless they're sumo wrestlers who've just suffered through a major scandal and are "on the verge of a nervous breakdown," as <i>yokozuna</> Asashoryu is. Then, yeah, you can cry, because you weigh over 300 pounds and have a very quick first step on the attack.

The scandal began with this video...

...which shows a shockingly nimble Asashoryu, winner of the 21st Emperor's Cup, playing soccer in a charity game in his native Mongolia. (Note that at that weight, he's just a few cheeseburgers north of Ronaldo's physique, actually.) Asashoryu was dribbling around in Mongolia while he was allegedly too injured to appear in a summer exhibition tournament, a big no-no for most wrestlers and a definite faux pas for the high-profile <i>yokozuna.</I>

With the appearance of the video, the Japanese Sumo Association suspended Asashoryu for two tournaments and docked his pay 30 percent for four months. Both are unprecedented punishments. The Mongolian has responded by locking himself in his apartment and hovering close to a nervous breakdown.

Psychiatrist Masaki Honda examined him and said the wrestler was depressed and could be on the brink of a nervous breakdown due to a shock from the punishment. He said the wrestler was barely able to talk, and his trainer said Asashoryu was "holding back tears."

In a summer of athletes being indicted for dogfighting, allegedly giving Jessica Alba herpes, and up and killing their whole families...this seems appropriate. More than anything else, though, all the big man probably needs is a hug, along with three hundred pounds of popcorn chicken and the latest edition of Microsoft Outlook to keep his dates straight.