NFL Gestapo: 'Everything Is a Fineable Offense'

Hey, look, more idiocy from the league office! I'm all for cleaning up the NFL. And by "cleaning up" I mean "doing away with the Bengals franchise, because 95 percent of all felonies are committed by Cincinnati players." Okay, slight exaggeration, but here's my point: if Commissar Goodell is all about eradicating the ne'er do-wells, that's splendid, but easy, man, you're doing to OD on the power trip.

Two weeks ago, Goodell fined Ravens backup wide receiver Devard Darling $7,500 for following Yamon Figurs into the crowd after a touchdown. Meanwhile, guys throwing players on their head, or grabbing facemasks were only out $5,000. Makes sense.

Now, after Maurice Jones-Drew mistook an NFL goal post for an ATM machine, he's likely to be a little lighter in the wallet.

After ... [scoring] on a 52-yard run last Sunday in Kansas City, [Jones-Drew] unveiled a new celebration. He acted as if the goal post were an ATM and punched in the numbers. "It was pretty cool," he said. "We laughed our way all the way to the bank."

Unfortunately for Drew, the celebration means he'll probably have to visit an ATM to pay a fine.

Drew said the celebration wasn't a violation of league rules because he didn't use the ball as a prop. However, an NFL spokesman said the players can't use the goal post as a prop, either.

That's right, that's some guy's job: to tell people that the goal post is, in fact, a prop. It's almost as embarrassing as being a blogger. Here's a thought: why doesn't the NFL's Justice Department focus their energies on more important things. Like, I don't know, investigating why it makes sense to destroy all the evidence in the PatriotGate scandal. Or they can just keep fining players for pretending they're making a financial transaction. Either way.