Bennett: We're Going to OKC, Suckers

As expected, Clay Bennett announced he wants to take the SuperSonics to Oklahoma City this summer or soon thereafter. Luckily, our crack FanHouse dev-team just finished work on our 'bull%$@& to English' translator tool. Here are excerpts from Bennett's statement modified to... more accurately represent the situation.

"On behalf of the owners of the Seattle SuperSonics and Seattle Storm, I am ~~disappointed~~ pleased that our efforts over the last fifteen months to ~~foster the development of a new multi-purpose arena in~~ make fools of the people of the Greater Seattle area were ~~not~~ successful. From the beginning, it has been my absolute hope and expectation that we would be able to ~~secure the necessary governmental commitments to build a successor venue to KeyArena~~ bust ass to Oklahoma City ASAP. Even though our proposal for a new state-of-the-art multi-purpose facility to be built in Renton was thoughtfully developed to purposely fail by a world-class team, was financially ~~reasonable~~ ridiculous and was realistically ~~attainable~~ impossible, we were unable to ~~persuade the Washington Legislature to vote on our bill~~ make it clear to many folks we really don't want to be here. The region is still in need of a modern building, not just for the ~~Sonics and Storm~~ NBDL and the Arena League, but also for the broad commercial and quality of life benefits such facilities provide such as garlic fries." [...]

"Today we notified Commissioner Stern that we have always intended to relocate the Sonics to Oklahoma City if we succeed in ~~the pending litigation with the City~~ calling in some favors, or are able to ~~negotiate an early lease termination~~ bribe and/or blackmail city officials, or ~~at the end of the lease term~~ honestly whenever we decide we've had enough of this Seattle crap; I mean, who's going to stop us, right? LOLpoliticians."

"We ~~have not made a decision regarding~~ don't really give a crap about the future ~~location~~ of the Seattle Storm. We obviously don't appreciate the deep local interest and support for the Storm ~~and have begun to evaluate a future course of action for the team~~ but will continue to blow smoke up your ass nonetheless." [...]

"We are also completely committed to providing our fans in Oklahoma City a first class basketball, entertainment and social experience. We will do all we can to ensure that our fans in Oklahoma City, sponsors in Oklahoma City and marketing and broadcast partners in Oklahoma City enjoy the highest value from their relationship with the Sonics and Storm. Seattle, on the other hand, can piss off."

Sincerely,
Clayton I. Bennett

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