**OnlineHost** Welcome to Chávez Ravine Center Field Chat!

Pierrepants: /does 472 jumping jacks

Pierrepants: /tosses ball; watches as it caroms off center field wall

Pierrepants: hmm

/scribbles into notebook

velocity 6.4 m/s, drop time 0.473 s, vertical slice negligible

Pierrepants: /tosses notebook on ground

/does three sets of thirty pushups

Pierrepants: /gets up, juggles five baseballs

Brian Giles, bats left, hits .300 day, .263 night, Mike Cameron, bats right, hits .209 day, .252 night, Adrian Gonzalez, hits...um...aw damn it

Pierrepants: /drops balls, opens copy of Baseball Prospectus 2008

.315 day, .290 night. I knew that.

Pierrepants: sigh

/does 472 jumping jacks

**OnlineHost** Andraeiouandsometimesyw has entered the chatroom.

Andraeiouandsometimesyw: move

Pierrepants: Oh, hey! Startled me there!

Andraeiouandsometimesyw: dude it is midnight in december, what are you doing here

Pierrepants: Just doing some drills. I want to make sure I don't get all dumb, fat and happy during the offseason. You know what I mean?

Andraeiouandsometimesyw: i don't know, my offseason regimen consists of eating pre-cooked bacon out of the package and watching jerry maguire eleven times a day

what do you do

Pierrepants: Well, I start by doing a jumping jack for every time I hit into an out last season. Then I throw a ball against the wall and record the nature of the carom. Then, after three sets of thirty push-ups, I juggle baseballs and recite a page from this year's Baseball Prospectus.

Pierrepants: This offseason I've started doing it six nights a week. I want my 2008 season to be better than ever!

Andraeiouandsometimesyw: ha, lemme guess, next year's your contract year. don't sweat it bro

take it from me, last year i hit .094 and struck out 696 times and i still got paid some serious bucks

Pierrepants: Well no, I'm actually just in the second year of a five-year contract. Just want to make sure the Dodgers get their money's worth.

Andraeiouandsometimesyw: . . .

haaaaaaa

Andraeiouandsometimesyw: anyways i just got traded to the dodgers

Pierrepants: Really! Wow, that's great! Andruw Jones on the Dodgers! We're really gonna show the NL West a thing or two!

Andraeiouandsometimesyw: yeah, and i'm still going to play center field. you need to haul your ass out of the way

Pierrepants: I...what?

Andraeiouandsometimesyw: face the facts, bud. you don't draw enough walks and your arm's too weak

Andraeiouandsometimesyw: so if you could go ahead and screw around somewhere else i'd really appreciate it. i don't plan on actually standing out here until like april 2, but the moving guys are gonna set up my stuff here in the morning

Pierrepants: Stuff? In the outfield? What stuff?

Andraeiouandsometimesyw: oh you know, just some personal effects. the bat i held while i stood still and watched kenny rogers walk me and give me the nlcs-winning rbi in '99, a futon, a coffee maker

Andraeiouandsometimesyw: /looks around

you have any power outlets around here by the way

Pierrepants: Jeez, you sure this isn't a mistake? I worked awful hard to start here!

Andraeiouandsometimesyw: yes. listen, you need to scram. they're not paying me enough to stand here and get the business from black craig counsell

Pierrepants: Well...well okeydoke, no good being a stick in the mud I suppose.

Hey, looks like they haven't given you your dodgers hat yet. I always wear a soft cap under my helmet in case of emergencies, and this sure is an emergency! Here, want to borrow mine?

Andraeiouandsometimesyw: nah, one of the personal accommodations stipulated in my contract is that i can wear a roman centurion helmet in the field

Andraeiouandsometimesyw: now get all your crap out of here. your dumb ass little notepad, your stupid book, your baseball gear, everything

Pierrepants: y-yeah sure, no problem

/slowly collects stuff, places in handerchief, ties to baseball bat to make a bindle

Pierrepants: welp i uh

/sniffle

i sure hope you have fun out here, i liked it an awful bunch and i know you'll do just great

Andraeiouandsometimesyw: yeah all right whatever

Pierrepants: /takes one last look around

/opens mouth to say something

Andraeiouandsometimesyw: GO THE HELL AWAY, NOBODY WANTS YOU

Pierrepants: /jumps, startled, some stuff falls out of bindle

/hastily collects possessions in arms, scurries away

**OnlineHost** It has started to rain.

Pierrepants: aw gee, my baseball books are gonna get all wet

/sad, slow sigh

Pierrepants:

There's always something to be thankful for
I'm awfully glad it's raining
Cause no one sees your teardrops when it pours

Pierrepants:

Gee I'm glad it's raining.
I hope the morning sun won't come up soon
As long as it keeps raining,
No one knows my heart broke right in two

Pierrepants:

Sure am glad it's raining
I'm awfully glad it's raining