**Online Host**
Welcome to the New York Yankees Cafeteria!

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /reaches for piece of chocolate cake

JobaToTheStars: Uh, excuse me... /pushes Farnsworth out of the way
/grabs slice of choclate cake

but I was NEXT !

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: oh my [coital act toward a Christian God] mister bungle are you srsly gonna make farnsworth the last dinosaur break bad on you in the [judicially punished by same Christian God] lunch line

/takes back slice of cake

JobaToTheStars: Uh, pardon my French, cornpone, but as the Next Roger Clemens and the Future of Sports Today it's my RIGHT to be NEXT !

/takes back slice of cake

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: what army died and made you next

JobaToTheStars: None other than ESPN magazine...

the revolutionary force in sports entertainment.

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: i saw that movie, whereupon in nicholas cage saves his girlfriend by premonitionen her bein ran over by abraham lincolns secret presidential train an then stoppen it before it happens, or whatever

it was mediocre to boren

JobaToTheStars: I have no idea what you're talking about but Buster Olney sat down with me to write a feature length article in a professional news magazine about how quickly I can text message. When was the last time anybody sat down with YOU?

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: the last time i did somethin bad

JobaToTheStars: which was when

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: the last few times i got to do anything

dont act like a cats mreow, i got a b+ on a seventh grade vacabulary test whence everyone thought i was gonna fail, an jayson stark sat down with me at the middle school an wrote about it for the gazette

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: how did they decide on you bein next anyways

how do you measure that

JobaToTheStars: 32 sports celebrities, teams, related-personalities, and abstract concepts were put into four eight-man regional tournaments and pitted against each other to see who was most NEXT

JobaToTheStars: I was in the Northeastern or "Meadowlark Lemon" Region against Danica Patrick, Dan Shanoff, The Miz, Sportsmanship, Radek Bonk, a bucket of Gatorade, and Greg Legg. Each matchup was then judged and decided by a panel of Stephen A. Smith.

JobaToTheStars: In the finals it was determined that while Sportsmanship was important, it wasn't as important as being a Yankee, so I won.

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: your lucky you dident have to go up against gatorade, riptide rush woulda flipped you for real

JobaToTheStars: Well, you can't deny the gravitas and career-defining legacy of the 24 innings I pitched in the one season I've played. That was almost two and a half games of quality.

/takes back slice of cake

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: well if yer tryen to be the next roger clemens lemme help you

/puts entire chocolate cake on Joba's tray

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: who gives a [fecal dropping of obscure animal] whether or not ESPN the Magazine For [the most offensive thing you can think of] thinks you are next, red rocker kyle farnsworth is more now

so cake me MORE NOW and get outer my way you [doo doo chump, and additional quotes from The Humpty Dance] an stop holden up the line

JobaToTheStars: Wait, your humpty nose is going to do what to my where?

JobaToTheStars: Look, I've had enough of this crap, get out of my way right now. I'm NEXT, you are the bottom of the totem pole, and if you don't obey the Joba Rules I'm going to text the present of this team and get you [shit-canned].

**Online Host**
JobaToTheStars has been tapped on the shoulder.

JobaToTheStars: What, what is it? Wait your turn, I'm having a conversation here. Don't make me get my Dad!

**Online Host**
JobaToTheStars has been tapped on the shoulder.

JobaToTheStars: WHAT

WHAT IS IT

GOLDBERG: Excuse me, who's next?

JobaToTheStars: me, why