The Debriefing: Looking an NFL Gift Horse in the Mouth

The Debriefing is a column that runs every weekday at 9:00 a.m. here on FanHouse. It goes deep into one issue and then bounces around to a plethora of smaller ones ... and does it all in a way that will make you feel like the prettiest girl at the cotillion. Bookmark this page, and visit daily.

What Have We Done to Deserve Roger Goodell's Generosity?

Just hours ago, the most important regular season NFL game in decades was only going to be available on a network that most people don't get. Something moved NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, however, and now the game is on three different networks, two of which you can get without so much as a subscription to cable.

I could assume that Roger Goodell's just being a nice guy about it. I could choose to believe that sometime over the holidays, Goodell was visited by the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future, saw the error of his ways, and decided to share his gift of NFL programming with the world, and Rich Eisen jumped up on the studio desk and shouted, "God bless us, everyone!"

I'm going to choose to be a little more cynical, though.

(Also on Today's List: Tom Coughlin is entitled to rest or not rest anybody he wants, and there's a very good reason why it doesn't matter anyway ... it's a huge, huge day for players vs. officials battles, and now, there are guns involved ... and someone's accusing Kobe Bryant of plotting to murder the woman who accused him of rape ...)

The Patriots vs. Giants game will now be available on NBC and CBS, as well as the NFL Network. It's a completely unprecedented move, and according to Goodell, he made it happen because "it is in the best interest of our fans."

Uh huh.

The NFL doesn't do anything because it's in the best interest of the fans ... mainly because they don't have to. Goodell could personally order Brian Bosworth to come to your house and gouge out the eyes of anyone who attempted to watch any television channel other than the NFL Network, and it wouldn't matter ... you'd wake up the next morning and call an optometrist to help restore your sight in time for the playoffs. That's the kind of hold the NFL has on people, and the NFL knows it.

The NFL, as they always will, is acting in the best interests of the NFL. The game isn't available over-the-air because fans are saying, "We want to see this game!" The game's available over the air because a couple of senators threatened to "revisit" the NFL's antitrust exemption ... and all the sudden, Goodell got generous.

If the NFL's antitrust exemption goes away, so does their ability to do things like sell exclusive Sunday Ticket rights to DirecTV. This, of course, threatens the NFL's bottom line, and that, I would argue, is a much bigger motivating factor than any sort of generosity or obligation that Goodell feels towards NFL fans.

On Resting Giants

There seems to be a lot of concern this week on the subject of how much rest Tom Coughlin will give his key players in the aforementioned Patriots/Giants game.

On one hand, the Giants are in the playoffs, and their status and seeding cannot change, so they might as well rest their banged-up and important players. On the other hand, though, they're also the only thing standing between the Patriots and a perfect regular season, and there's some concern that the Patriots will be helped out in achieving history by a team that's laying down like a $10 whore in Week 17.

Blah Blah Blah ... the important thing to remember is this: there is no individual New York Giant that is going to make the difference between the Giants winning or losing against the Pats. In fact, there's no collection of New York Giants who can make that difference ... if the Patriots show up and play well, they'll win. The Giants are a playoff team, and that's wonderful, but they're not that good ... this is not like the Colts sitting Peyton Manning against the Patriots.

Honestly, who is it that the Giants could put in or out of the line-up that would make you say, "Alright, now they're going to beat the Patriots"? If Eli Manning sits, do the Patriots benefit more than the Giants?

Tom Coughlin can and should do whatever the hell he wants. He doesn't owe it to anyone to do anything other than what he feels is best for his team. If he feels it's best to rest some guys, he should rest them. If he feels it's best to prevent the accumulation of rust, and give his guys a shot at beating the Patriots, fine. All Tom Coughlin is obligated to do is what he feels helps the Giants.

And no decision he makes can have any effect on history. If the Patriots go 16-0, they've earned it ... and it will have nothing to do with any decision Coughlin makes on Saturday night. Playing a resting team is part of playing an NFL schedule. The Titans vs. Colts game on Sunday night determined the playoff fates of both the Titans and the Browns, and they get the benefit of playing a Colts team that's going to put themselves at about half-strength. It happens.

Ref Fights I: This Red Card is the Least of Your Worries, Son

I'm concerned that Joey Crawford is reading this and getting ideas.

Earlier this week, a Malaysian soccer ref red-carded a player and tossed him out of a game, which caused several players, according to this Reuters report, to "mob" the official after making the call. At this point, the ref -- also a policeman -- did what any good ref would do and pulled out a gun. Heat in hand, he fired a few warning shots into the air.
He was taken into custody for "suspected misuse of firearms," which I think is a bit hasty on the part of local authorities. They're even questioning why he had the gun to begin with, when I think "officiating a Malaysian soccer match" is a perfectly good reason to be carrying a gun.

Instead of labeling the guy a criminal, can we at least consider that he might also be a visionary? Strapped referees in soccer games might be an idea to embrace. I'm not saying that a player should take two in the chest every time he trips another player, but at the same time ... how many international soccer riots could have been avoided if the officials were granted full authority to kill at their own whim?

The positive applications for this are endless. When a player goes down with an injury, let's stipulate that the official has full authority to murder him if he's not up and sprinting within 3 seconds ... and boom, just like that, diving is eliminated from the sport. We might miss the first few guys who are killed because of this new rule, but I think players would catch on quickly afterwards, and it's important to examine the greater good.

You eliminate diving, and give the sport the real possibility that someone could be legally shot and killed at any second ... and I think soccer's got a real chance to catch on in America.

For the Scrapbook ...

Nature 1, Domes 0.

Ref Fights II: Warren Sapp Should've Beat an Official's Ass

Warren Sapp is waiting to hear whether or not he'll be suspended for whatever it is he did in the game against the Jags last weekend. Sapp racked up multiple personal foul penalties within seconds, and officials say that Sapp "bumped" one of them.

Sapp, of course, denies it ... in his own colorful way.

"It was all just words. I never put my hand on nobody, never bumped nobody, never did anything," Sapp said. "I felt like I should have whipped somebody's ass. I should have beaten somebody up so at least they put you on SportsCenter for whipping some ass. At least you get a little respect."

Funny ... but maybe not be the smartest thing to say when you're trying to keep from being suspended. Everyone knows that beating the hell out of an old man in a striped shirt is a fantastic way to gain the respect of your peers ... but saying out loud that you should have whipped an official's ass, jokingly or not, might not be the best way to curry favor from the league's disciplinary people.

I couldn't tell you if Sapp did or didn't make contact with an official ... honestly, even though I've never liked the guy, I doubt he's trying to brawl with a ref. There's almost nothing that I wouldn't believe came out of his filthy, filthy mouth ... but shoving a ref, I tend to doubt.

I also have no idea why he's so anxious to play in the Raiders last game of the year.

Ref Fights III: A Chokehold and a Grievance

Packers linebacker Nick Barnett has filed a grievance with the league after one of the aforementioned old men in a striped shirt did this to him:



Yeah, I think that's grievance-worthy. It might also be "assault and battery" worthy. It might be worthy of a contract offer to play linebacker for the Miami Dolphins. That's unbelievable.

I also have to think it's pretty good news for Warren Sapp ... if the league ends up disciplining Sapp for a "bump" of an official that no one can seem to find on tape, then how can they not discipline umpire Jim Quirk for what he did there?

I'm not saying that players and officials should be held to the same standard when it comes to physical contact. In a way, it's the job of the officials to piss players off, and they've got to be protected when that happens. It's also their job to step between players and prevent fights if they can, so a little physical contact has to be allowed.

That said ... you can't have Jim Quirk running around like he's main eventing at UFC 85. A little contact is one thing ... an act of physical aggression is quite another. For the sake of player/official harmony, the league can't send the message that it's OK for an official to do this.

Yesterday's MVP

Mark Prior. $1 million isn't a lot for a pitcher in Major League Baseball ... however, it's still a pretty nice sum for a guy who has a right arm about as healthy as J. Walter Weatherman's.

The deal could be worth up to $3.5 million with incentives, so it seems like a win/win for both the Padres and Prior. Prior gets out of Chicago, gets a fresh start somewhere else, and gets a new uniform to wear while on the injured list. The Padres take a low-risk flier on someone who's still relatively young and might possibly have some tiny little shred of potential left.

Yesterday's Sad Sack

Patrick Graber. Never heard of Patrick Graber? Kobe Bryant would very much like it to stay that way ... because Graber would like you to believe that Kobe asked him to kill the woman who accused Kobe of rape.

Graber says he once worked for Kobe as a bodyguard, and taking the next logical career step, he's now an author. He's published a book online, not-so-cleverly entitled Dead Women Tell No Tales. In it, he tells stories of Kobe being involved in numerous infidelities, orgies, etc. ... and also that he wanted to have the woman accusing him of rape killed.

Kobe had no comment, other than to say that he's never heard of Graber, and that Graber never worked for him.

Obviously, I can't say if any of this is true ... I try to keep my involvement in rape and murder to a bare minimum. I certainly hope it isn't true ... and it would take more than an online book for me to even consider that it might be.

For Those Who Admire the Female Form ...

The Evening's Agenda

Deserving Of Your Full Attention ...

8:00, ESPN. College Football. Pacific Life Holiday Bowl. Arizona State vs. Texas. For a pre-January 1st bowl game, you could do much, much, worse.

Other Stuff ...

9:00, E! 25 Hottest Hollywood Cougar Tales.
8:00, TNT. NBA. Cavaliers @ Mavericks.
10:30, TNT. NBA. Celtics @ Sonics.
7:00, ESPN2. College Basketball. Nevada @ UNC.
7:30, ESPNU. College Basketball. NC State @ Seton Hall.