How To Blow Your Scholarship On Facebook

If you're one of the people fortunate enough to be my Facebook friend (hint, hint), you'll find that I recently changed my favorite quote to one of the most retardedly genius things RZA has ever had to say on record. Safe to say, if you've heard "Sunlight" from 8 Diagrams, you know which line I'm talking about. Now, I realize that some people who check their updates might not understand what I'm trying to convey, but at worst, they'll think I'm a fool and keep it moving. Those are the greatest risks I'm willing to take with Facebook, along with drunkenly asking girls I used to date in college to be my "friend."

The case of Wake Forest reserve RB Luke Caparelli certainly makes me feel better about my usage. As to be expected when your campus is literally gated from the rest of the community, going to WFU ain't cheap. And considering that the tragedy at Virginia Tech had Virginia turning the Commonwealth Cup battle into the football version of the Itchy and Scratchy episode where the two kiss, if I were an ACC dude, I wouldn't go in claiming what Caparelli did, even remotely as a joke. As of now, Caparelli's been dismissed from the football team, but I imagine he'll have bigger troubles on his hands soon. Observe:

A Wake Forest reserve running back has been dismissed from the team after writing on his Facebook page that he would "blow up campus." Campus police said 19-year-old Luke Caparelli posted the note on the social-networking page on Jan. 13. The note was written in third person and included a threat that Caparelli would have an Uzi submachine gun "locked and loaded in his bag."

Say word! I considered applying to Wake Forest on the strength of their promotional material positing the place as a happy family of 3,000 strong ... not to mention the fact that they give you a laptop if you enroll (true as of 1998, but still...). Eventually, I had to fall back because my parents thought that any school in the South that wasn't Virginia or Emory was filled with raving anti-Semites, but hey, my big, happy family isn't filled with people who make whiskey-soaked threats of terrorism, so maybe I wouldn't have fit in anyway.