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A couple of weeks ago, fellow Dugouteer Nick got a chance to write about Pedro Martinez and his involvement with cockfighting, which is like just like the UFC, except the participants don't have free will and there's no sense of pride and competition clouding up the bloodshed and gut-spilling. Also, they have knives. So it's like Tank Abbott in the UFC if you've stolen his leather jacket.Anyway, Nick usually gets the good Dugout topics. He got to write about Barry Bonds dressing like Paula Abdul. But thankfully, Aramis Ramirez's stance of YEAH I LIKE TO FIGHT COCKS YOU WANNA FIGHT ABOUT IT has given me enough of an excuse to do my own take on the story.
Oh, if you don't get his screen name, his name is pronounced "a-ROM-iss." Today: Fighting Death Birds! after the jump.
The Dugout
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**Online Host** |
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ReadOnlyMemory: I'm not doing this with you unless you're taking it seriously. We're in the Dominican Republic. I am wholly dedicated to the roosters of the Dominican Republic. |
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Vote4Pedro: I'm taking it seriously! That's why I want to see them scratch each other to death in the face! |
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ReadOnlyMemory: yeah but you almost apologized for it, what was up with that |
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Vote4Pedro: People don't understand that it's just part of our culture. I'm not saying I was right. If I have to apologize to anybody, I sincerely from my heart would do it. I just didn't think it was anything bad. |
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Vote4Pedro: It's just like the part of urban black culture that makes them want to put broken up glass in dog fur and make them fight to the death. Or like the part of white culture where they don't make anything fight anything else to the death. |
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ReadOnlyMemory: So what are you putting on your chicken? |
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Vote4Pedro: welp, I've got curved blades for the feet, a razor blade for the beak, and these two little gun turrets that fire nerf missles for the arms, I think they can do a ton of dino-damage. What about you? |
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ReadOnlyMemory: My chicken stands six feet tall and boats 4 oz. MMA gloves. |
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Vote4Pedro: God dammit Aramis we already talked about this, you can't use the San Diego Chicken for cockfighting. |
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ReadOnlyMemory: You can't handle my cock! My cock hatched from a giant egg! |
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Vote4Pedro: he's not a cock, he's a man in a chicken suit and for god sakes he doesn't even have mascot hands, he just has man hands in latex gloves. It doesn't take strategy or breeding to ask a man to walk up to a chicken and stomp it to death. |
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ReadOnlyMemory: Well, if we ever do Galapagos Flightless-Birdfighting you can call dibs on the Phillie Phanatic. I'll even let you use the ATV. |
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Vote4Pedro: Seriously? |
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ReadOnlyMemory: Yes. Such is my dedication to cockfighting. |
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Vote4Pedro: All right, it's a deal. Hey, after we're done with this do you want to do some Galapagos Flightless-Birdfighting? |
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ReadOnlyMemory: no |
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**Online Host** |
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CamillerTheChiggen: buck buck buck buck buGAWWW /pecks |
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TheKGBeast: /rubs towel on bald man's head |
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CamillerTheChiggen: /stands motionless for several seconds |
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TheKGBeast: /places head of infant in mouth |
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CamillerTheChiggen: /fires Nerf missle |
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**Online Host** |
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TheKGBeast: /pulls off part of suit to reveal bare ribcage |
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TheKGBeast: /stomps chicken to death |
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CamillerTheChiggen: /dies |
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ReadOnlyMemory: I win! I am the Ninja Warrior of Cockfighting! |
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Vote4Pedro: this is so unfair |
| **Online Host** E5_rod has entered the chatroom. |
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E5_rod: HOLA MI FAMILIA WHAT ARE JOO GUYS UPT TO |
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E5_rod: WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH ALL OF THESE COCKS |
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ReadOnlyMemory: We proudly breed them to fight as an expression of our Dominican heritage! |
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E5_rod: AN THE CHIGKENS WHAT HAVE JOO DONE TO THESE CHIGKENS |
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Vote4Pedro: we strap things to farm animals because we are some kind of tough guys |
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ReadOnlyMemory: It's called cockfighting. It's just part of the culture. We haven't done anything wrong. You should know this, vato! |
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E5_rod: OH PLEASE WHAT DO JOO TAKE aRAH FOR SOME KIND OF CAMPESINO I WAS BORN IN NEW YORK CITY IF I WANT CULTURE I COULD OPEN UP A BOOK OR LOOK AT SOME ART |
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E5_rod: I DON'T KNOW IF THEY HAVE THOSE THINGKS OUTSIDE OF AMERICA BUT WHATEVER |
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ReadOnlyMemory: You just don't understand. |
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E5_rod: NO JOOR RIGH aRAH MADE A MILLION DOLLARS JUST NOW WHILE JOO TALKED BY BREATHING, aRAH COUL REALLY NOT CARE LESS ABOUT SOME CHIGKEN |
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E5_rod: SO WHEN DO WE START COCKFIGHTING |
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CamillerTheChiggen: /dies again |
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