A couple of warnings and advisories about today's Spring Training Dugout:

It does not feature Bill Pecota
It's about the Twins, but cannot possibly be about every avenue of Twins fandom and lore so if we didn't get to your favorite aspect of the team this time around don't worry, we've got like 600 days left in the season and only 400 of those can be about the Yankees
Today's Dugout features adult language, largely obscured by shift-8, but if you're reading these outloud to your kid or whatever please consider reading to them from Zubazpants.com

A couple of weeks ago our very own "Mullet" (Dugout SN: MulletOver) took a break from being an ironic memory of times passed to report about Carl Crawford having beef with Delmon Young and saying word from across the country. Today's Dugout (after the jump ((don't hurt yourself)) ) takes place just as Carl Crawford has reported to his spring training, but before Delmon Young has reported to his.

Suspension of disbelief, people.

The Dugout

	DudeYerGettinADelmon: /slowly feeds T.C. Bear into woodchipper
	Crawfish: sup son
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: its my boy corl ay corl how florida doin, they still got that gatorland
	Crawfish: It was nice to come to spring training without having to deal with the annoyances that always seem to surround you and Elijah Dukes.
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: /stares
	Crawfish: I don't know why Elijah is always killing dogs. It's like, why even buy a dog if you're just going to kill it? God has some strange plans for his prophets.
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: hole up
	Online Host DudeYerGettinADelmon has gone outside and thrown a bat as far as he can.
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: boom bitch
	Crawfish: You're in Minnesota, I'm in Florida. You're crazy if you think you can throw a bat 1300 miles.
	Online Host Somewhere in Georgia, Chipper Jones has been struck with a flying bat.
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: aw look at the brave man waitin till i in minnesota to say what he really feel
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: if i got good reception in dank ass minnesota i would tex you a picture of a gun so fast yo muthaf***in phone would exploe
	Crawfish: I don't want to talk to you at all. If you called me, I would have nothing to say.
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: pop off if my brotha ain have die beetis we'd smoke a gummy bong an be at cha muf***in doe step
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: n***a do you undastand the paradise i play in now
	Crawfish: What paradise? You play with a bunch of white boys in the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome.
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: ya gat dam right i play in at huh-huh-huh metradomez, in they outfield they got got trash bags son, trash bags
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: when i finish a package a pecan swirls i just throw that rappin into tha crowd
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: an Da TwInZ ain just a bunch a white boys, me an denard span done some f***ed up shit to some moose that boy got the widest junk you eva seen cuz, slike /holds out arms
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: an frank liriano comin back baby, expeck him n***a expeck him like you expeck jesus to come back
	Crawfish: Have fun playing second fiddle to Joe Mauer's sideburns.
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: that boy get more p***y than a terlet seat
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: i ain gay but if i was which i aint i would bus you upside yo mof***in dome fa suggestin he ain a beautiful man
	Crawfish: okay well while you're admiring his bone structure I'll be in Adventure Island getting my Aruba Tuba on.
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: you know aruba tuba is my favorite that's it
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: you dont think i can getcha stank ass in florida, watch this
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: /feeds computer monitor into woodchipper
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: yay YAY gotcha where ya live ya lil bitch what now what now
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: hello