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Best In Show Winner Declared
As we await the beginning of the NBA Playoffs on April 19, team mascots explain why their team will win. Next up: Clutch, representing the Houston Rockets.
That's the last time you put green dye in my bottle of Axe body wash, you scabby intern. Hell, that's the last time you do anything! Mwahaha! <all laugh> Thanks for the help, Shane and Brooksy. But, um ... why are you guys so gleeful all of a sudden? You were pretty teed off when I told you I ... uh ... took care of an intern.
Aaron Brooks: We thought it was the other intern, the cute one. This one was a d-bag.
Clutch: Ah, OK. Glad we're cool, glad we're cool. Welp, thanks again! <Battier and Brooks leave> I can't believe this jackhole turned my green. ... Well, at least we're not playing the Celtics or Sonics, right? Ha, the Sonics. What a madcap advantage that is. Morey's always talking about Presti, like, "Some boy genius! How many wins he got? 12? Mwaha!" Morey's so awesome. Carroll Dawson was awesome too, but Morey's just like, he just gets it, you know? Like that Luis Scola thing. It's like, Carroll would have never even called R.C. Buford, you know? Morey was just like, "what it is R.C.? Gimme Scola sucka!" Dawson was like just scared of the great GMs, you know?
This one time, Jerry West was trying to trade Nick Van Exel and Vlade Divac for two second round picks and Eldridge Recasner, but Carroll was getting tacos, so Jerry got the answering machine. So Carroll got the message when he got home, but it was like 8 p.m., and Carroll heard Jerry goes to bed early, so Carroll said he would call in the morning. But he never called him! He was too scared of being robbed by The Logo! But Morey? He pulled off that Battier trade with Jerry West his first day on the job! And he's not even afraid of calling GMs at home or on the cell phone, not at all! He even text messaged Danny Ainge on a Sunday once! That's balls, man. That's balls.
So yeah, Morey's way awesome, and he's put together a really hot team with a ton of talent. As long as these f$@##@&% interns don't mess things up -- and this one won't be, mwahaha! -- the Rockets are doin' it, baby. We're doin' it.
Previous FanHouse Expert Predictions:
The Raptor | Gorilla | Moondog | Hugo the Hornet | Coyote | Lucky | G-Wiz | Former Laker Girl | Stuff | Bear | Hip-Hop | Rocky
Covering our ass: This is, in fact, parody.
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