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The Dugout: Grand Theft Farnsworth

Apr 29, 2008 – 6:11 PM
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Jon Bois

Jon Bois %BloggerTitle%

So Kyle Farnsworth can't get enough of the violent video games, huh? I certainly wouldn't have guessed. I had him pegged as an Animal Crossing sort of guy. Or actually, I think I see the reflection of Madden '93 in his glasses.

This news couldn't have come at a better time. Today, of course, is the day Grand Theft Auto IV launches. They call it "Grand Theft Auto IV" because it's packaged with an intravenous drip so you don't have to move from the couch while playing. I'm about to go over to a friend's house and play it. I'm just going to jack a motorcycle, ride it straight until it hits something, die, and repeat for the next few hours. If I want a story, I'll read a book, and I wager that Mr. Farnsworth would agree with my sentiment.

Today's Dugout is after the jump.

The Dugout

**OnlineHost** Welcome to Yankees Clubhouse Chat!

JetersNeverProsper: So now it's your move. The idea is to jump one of my pieces. Once you jump me, your guy is "kinged", and you put a guy on top of it.

e5_rod: ooooOOOOooooO

/jumps piece

JetersNeverProsper: Okay, now that guy is called a "king" and can move forwards or backwards.

e5_rod: SO NOW HE CAN GO BOTH WAYSZ

I LIKE CHEGERS

JetersNeverProsper: /places chess king on board

Now, this is piece is called the "penis", and

**OnlineHost** pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth has entered the chat room.

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /runs through clubhouse with Gamestop bag

outamywayoutamywayoutamyway
outamywayoutamywayoutamyway

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /runs past checkers table

/stops, stares at checkers table, backs up

/runs circuitous route through clubhouse that involves stepping on table and shoving Jeter and Rodriguez in the face

JetersNeverProsper: oof

e5_rod: OOV

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: sorry yer standen on the realroad track o the farnsworth locomotive, get the frick out of my ottobahn

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /runs to television, stopping on the way to deck joba chamberlain in the face

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /feverishly opens bag, rips open box, puts disc in Xbox

JetersNeverProsper: What are you playing?

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: what the [hermaphroditic rat] do you think, its fricken grand theft auto, whuch it came out today in stores

JetersNeverProsper: They came out with another one?

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: yeah its callt "grand theft auto 4: the revenge of og loc"

JetersNeverProsper: Neat!

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: fricken shut the bitch up so i can start mine carnal theatre of woe and bitches

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /turns on Xbox 360

/furiously mashes buttons until intro screens go away

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /makes character run to nearest pedestrian

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /beats pedestrian to death

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

e5_rod: GAN I PLAY

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: hold on just let me try something

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /kicks lifeless pedestrian in the crotch

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: /pauses game, looks at progress meter

**OnlineHost** You have completed 0% of the game.

pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: fricken this is impossible

Photos link to player info. WordUpThome.com Photo Credit: Getty, Creative Commons
Filed under: Sports
Tagged: alexrodriguez, derekjeter, e5_rod, jetersneverprosper, kylefarnsworth, pr0ff3ss0r_f4rnsw0rth

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