Pissant Football Programs of the World, Unite! And Gouge!

As someone who's advocated for the summary execution of athletic directors who schedule eight home games, three against virtual or actual I-AA teams, and desperately pleaded for any sort of intercession from the NCAA that would stop the constant flow of exploitative non-games, this is my favorite sentence ever:

There is no way to legislate against this kind of escalation.

That's from Duke AD Kevin White, late of Notre Dame, and it's one of the centerpiece quotes in a USA Today story on the rising costs of screwing over fans by scheduling uncompetitive games against tomato cans.

All of us in the ~~cheap~~ slightly less preposterously expensive seats have so much sympathy. Almost as good is an unnamed but "top" athletic director claiming that the prices of non-conference guarantee games are rising at a "fairly alarming rate." Also rising at a fairly alarming rate: non-conference guarantee games that will have halftime scores of 56-0.

"No way to legislate against this kind of escalation." Here's a way to legislate: schedule actual home-and-homes against respectable opponents instead completing the "Tennesee-RANDOM CITY" tour. Here's some more "woe is me" from Georgia's athletic director:

"You talk about coaches salaries skyrocketing," said Georgia athletics director Damon Evans, "now the guarantees are just skyrocketing."

Hey, it's what the market will bear, right? Just like my $120 ticket to see Michigan-Toledo this fall.

Fans everywhere should be tickled pink by this article, as the skyrocketing costs of guarantee games will help encourage power teams to schedule each other or, failing that, interesting mid-level BCS teams. In conclusion, everyone quoted in this article can go to hell.