Don't believe his lies. Ketchup is 1000% Rudo.

Earlier this afternoon we began our two part exposé on the Cleveland Indians with 10 Little Indians Part 1, a literate essay regarding the damage and anguish these athletes put their bodies and families through to entertain us. No longer just the national pastime, baseball can not be enjoyed on any reasonable level and must be deconstructed minute-by-minute to absorb and exploit any minutia hoping to escape unsaberly-metricked.

After the jump, part 2 of 2. While you're waiting for it to load, please buy The Dugout brand t-shirts. All proceeds go toward serious journalism.

The Dugout

	PostcardsFromTheWedge: And you say this is happening to your ball club, too?
	bobbycoxer: It's the weirdest thing. Y'know, Jair Jurrjens was walking down his steps when a piece of masonry came loose an fell an killed him.
	bobbycoxer: I'd chalked it up to either being on a team with a racist name, or on account a Turner Field being built on top of an ancient Injun burial ground.
	PostcardsFromTheWedge: But if it's happening in Atlanta AND in Cleveland it can't be a coincidence... it's gotta be foul play, don't it?
	bobbycoxer: that's what I was thinkin'.
	bobbycoxer: hey, do you know what time it is?
	PostcardsFromTheWedge: /looks at watch It's "Tribe Time" now.
	bobbycoxer: Ah crap I got a dentist appointment scheduled for 15 after Tribe Time good luck with yer team, hope you win a game on the road sometime this year
	PostcardsFromTheWedge: Yeah, you too. /hangs up phone
	PostcardsFromTheWedge: where did we stop, five?
	PhillieFauxnatic: /shrugs
	PostcardsFromTheWedge: I think it was five.
	Online Host ...and then there were five. Five little Indian boyss, hoping they can score...
	TheDefeatedVictor: ...and then Manny turns to Pervez Musharraf and goes, "manny being pakistani"
	BigLeagueChoo: ROR
	TheDefeatedVictor: see, that's why I changed my buddy icon, we need funny stuff like that to happen around the clubhouse. Man, Cleveland is so boring.
	TheDefeatedVictor: I was born in Venezuela! I can be funny and ethnic! Man, nothing ever happens around here.
	BigLeagueChoo: no, nothing ever happen
	TheDefeatedVictor: Nope.
	TheDefeatedVictor: ....
	BigLeagueChoo: ....
	Online Host AND HERE COME THE HOT DOGS!
	BigLeagueChoo: gasps
	TheDefeatedVictor: YES, YES
	Mustard: /rounds third
	Ketchup: /rounds third
	Onion: /rounds third
	TheDefeatedVictor: COME ON KETCHUP, YOU GOT IT BABY, YOU GOT IT
	BigLeagueChoo: go rerish!
	Mustard: /rounds home, heads for the finish
	Ketchup: /rounds home, heads for the finish
	Onion: /rounds home, heads for the finish
	BigLeagueChoo: go rerish go!
	TheDefeatedVictor: it's a mustard hot dog a ketchup hot dog and an onion hot dog running, man, there ain't no relish hot dog
	BigLeagueChoo: no rerish?
	Mustard: /rushes toward the finish at first base
	Ketchup: /drops mayonnaise slick to stall opponents
	Onion: /breaks leg /is put out of her misery and eaten on the field
	Online Host AND KETCHUP IS THE WINNER! SECTION 556 ROW C GETS FREE HOT DOGS COURTESY OF SUGARDALE
	TheDefeatedVictor: YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, MY BOY KETCHUP, YEAH BOY /gives anthropomorphic weiner high five
	Ketchup: /high fives too hard
	TheDefeatedVictor: AUUUUGHH /clutches elbow
	BigLeagueChoo: oh no what happen to you average manny??
	TheDefeatedVictor: My elbow! Shit! I think it's inflamed!
	BigLeagueChoo: inframation nooooo
	Online Host One blew out his elbow, and then there were four. Four little Indian boys, paid a hefty fee...
	NeedsABathia: I don't have anything against Cleveland, but my contract is up at the end of this year and a lot of teams with a lot to offer need an ace...
	NeedsABathia: ...so I'm willing to hear you out and figure out where I'm gonna go from there. Chicago, you can go first. .
	grand_marquis: welp, we've got a real strong club this year, we're 3 1/2 games up on the NL Central and we've got the best record in baseball
	grand_marquis: unfortunately Carlos Zambrano's shoulder is inflamed and he's going to miss some starts
	grand_marquis: right here before the all-star break we can't afford to start losing ground, so getting another ace to replace and then later join him would keep us strong and then push us into World Series contention
	grand_marquis: I'm not sure if we've got a quality of minor league prospect good enough to trade for a C.C. Sabathia, but we're certainly willing to show and offer to Cleveland the best of what we've got.
	NeedsABathia: very nice, all of that seems reasonable.
	NeedsABathia: All right, New York?
	e5_rod: JOO SHOULT COME PLAY WITH US SISSY SABATHIA
	Online Host One left by the trade deadline, and then there were three. Three little Indian boys with nothing much to do...
	FromVictorToKelly: hey, somebody's throwing a ball at me, wonder what i should do with it
	Online Host /passed ball
	FromVictorToKelly: say i wonder why they call these the tools of ignorance, derp de derp
	FromVictorToKelly: GURK /collapses forward with sharpened candlestick sticking out of back
	Online Host Kelly Shoppach is freaking horrible, and then there were two.
	PostcardsFromTheWedge: So who's next? Wait, there's two of us here, you don't s'pose they mean...
	PostcardsFromTheWedge: Slider? /looks around Slider?
	PostcardsFromTheWedge: Sluh...slider?
	PhillieFauxnatic: /slowly removes shag carpet helmet
	PhillieFauxnatic: And then.... there was one. /draws pistol

Hot on HuffPost:

Wahoo! Messenger: 10 Little Indians Part 2

The Dugout

Photos link to player info. WordUpThome.com Photo Credit: Getty Images

Hot Leads

ON FACEBOOK

News From Our Partners

Also on AOL >>>

Depp's Dames

Alicia's Evolution

Lip-Sync Fun

They Hooked You

Hot on HuffPost:

Wahoo! Messenger: 10 Little Indians Part 2

The Dugout

Photos link to player info. WordUpThome.com Photo Credit: Getty Images

Hot Leads

HuffPost AOL Social News Most Popular

ON FACEBOOK

News From Our Partners

Also on AOL >>>

Depp's Dames

Alicia's Evolution

Lip-Sync Fun

They Hooked You