
I have a tradition. Every Sunday, I grab some coffee, sit in front of my computer, and read about retired infielder and current Red Sox hitting coach
Dave Magadan. Sometimes I'll pore through his stats and realize I completely forgot that he hit .328 one year. Other days, I'll check to see whether the value of his rookie card has topped a nickel.
Today, though, was the most eventful Magaday yet! I learned that he and
Lou Piniella are cousins, and that
Piniella is his godfather! I celebrated my discovery by treating myself to a two-Pop-Tart dinner (I usually have just one).
This evening's Dugout is after the jump.
The Dugout
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**OnlineHost** Welcome to Family Barbecue Chat!
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PiniellaOnTheDonkey: WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE
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MAGADETH: I'm your cousin! You're my godfather!
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PiniellaOnTheDonkey: WHICH ONE
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MAGADETH: Both!
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PiniellaOnTheDonkey: /opens bottle of Stroh's with teeth
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MAGADETH: Those twist off.
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PiniellaOnTheDonkey: HOW IN GOD'S GRAY EARTH AM I YOUR COUSIN AND YOUR GODFATHER
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MAGADETH: Beats me. Apparently you sponsored me at my baptism. That's how you become a godparent.
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PiniellaOnTheDonkey: HOW OLD ARE YOU
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MAGADETH: I'm 45.
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PiniellaOnTheDonkey: AND I'M
/peeks into garage, counts sixty-four jagged tallies on wall
64
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PiniellaOnTheDonkey: THAT'S OLDER THAN GOD
THEY DIDN'T HAVE BAPTISMS BEFORE GOD I CLAIM SHENANIGANS
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MAGADETH: Well, it's true.
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PiniellaOnTheDonkey: DAVE MAGADAN
DAVE DAMN MAGADAN
DO I HAVE ANY OTHER OBSCURE 1980S BASEBALL PLAYER BASTARD GOD-CHILDREN I DON'T KNOW ABOUT
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PiniellaOnTheDonkey: AM I ABOUT TO BE ACCOSTED BY, LIKE, PAT TABLER OR GUS POLIDOR OR SOMEBODY
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PiniellaOnTheDonkey: I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO BE A GODDAD
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PiniellaOnTheDonkey: COME ON I'LL TEACH YOU HOW TO RIDE A GODBIKE
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PiniellaOnTheDonkey: LET'S GO GODFISHING
LET'S PUT SOME GODBAIT ON A GODHOOK AND CATCH A GODCOD
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PiniellaOnTheDonkey: GOD
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PiniellaOnTheDonkey: /stomps into garage, picks up jagged rock, crudely etches twenty more tallies into wall
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MAGADETH: Well, uh...well, I'm a coach for the Red Sox now. Maybe you could give me some pointers?
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PiniellaOnTheDonkey: YELL A LOT AND WEAR A HAT
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MAGADETH: That really works?
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PiniellaOnTheDonkey: EITHER THAT OR WE'RE ALL IN THE MATRIX AND THE CUBS DON'T REALLY HAVE A +9 MILLION RUN DIFFERENTIAL
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MAGADETH: Thanks, Godfather.
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PiniellaOnTheDonkey: IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME I'M GOING TO PUT AN ORANGE IN MY MOUTH AND CHASE AROUND A SMALL CHILD
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**OnlineHost** Welcome to Red Sox Batting Practice Chat!
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MAGADETH: /adjusts hat
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MAGADETH: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, CAPITAL LETTERS CAPITAL LETTERS
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MannyTheTorpedoes: manny hearing maggy
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