The JoePa Chronicles: A Father, Son, and Politics Turn Sour

JUNIOR, COME DOWN HERE THIS INSTANT

No!

YOUR MEAL WILL GET COLD, AND THAT WILL MAKE YOU EVEN MORE UNPLEASANT THAN USUAL. WHY ARE YOU STILL UPSTAIRS

I'm on the internet. I have important business to take care of.

YOU HAD BETTER NOT BE KEEPING US WAITING SO YOU MAY WETHUMP YOUR OWN HAND. I HAVE BEEN ON THE INTERNET AND I DO NOT LIKE IT

THERE WAS ONE WEBSITE WITH TWO GIRLS THAT APPEARED TO HAVE THE WORST OF GASTROINTESTINAL PROBLEMS

GOD BLESS THEM, THOUGH, THEY SEEMED TO BE WORKING THROUGH THEIR TROUBLES TOGETHER

I'm not defiling myself, Dad! You said God cries when I do that.

HE DOES

I had to write on my Obama blog. Yes we can! Yes we can!

I KNOW ALL ABOUT YOU AND THAT AMERICA HATER, AND I'VE TOLD YOU PLENTY OF TIMES TO STOP CHANTING LIKE A COMMUNIST

You never let me do my politics in the house!

THAT IS BECAUSE I RAISED YOU IN JOE PATERNO'S IMAGE, AS IN A DEVOUT REPUBLICAN. NOW YOU GO ON AND ON ABOUT SUPPORTING SOMEONE WHO CALLS HIMSELF "A BOMBER," WHEN THAT IS CLEARLY THE DOMAIN OF THE NORTHERN IRISH AND OTHER KNOWN DRUNKS AND TERRORISTS

I DO NOT KNOW WHAT YOU WERE TAUGHT IN DEVIL COLLEGE, BUT IT IS RENDING THIS FAMILY ASUNDER LIKE SO MANY WILD DEMOCRAT HYENAS

Devil? Dad, I went to Penn State! For crissakes, I was a letterwinner in 1989 for you!

THEN I HAVE FAILED AS A FATHER AND A COACH AND AN AMERICAN

Whatever. I'm not like you. I'm part of a new generation of American thinkers. You old lemons can cling to your antiquated notions and politics, but you won't be part of my America! Si se puede!

GOOD HEAVENS, THE SPANIARD'S TONGUE

Look, Republicans don't even stand for anything anymore. They're stealing money from you! I read it on MoveOn.org and IdiotsWithTieDyeBongs.gov.hippie.whatever

I WILL NOT ENGAGE IN ANY MORE OF THIS PARTISANSHIP WITH YOU, I HAVE MY OWN VIEWS UPON WHICH I HAVE STOOD FOR YEARS, AND IF THE REPUBLICANS GET AWAY FROM THAT THEN I HAVE ENOUGH POLITICAL CAPITAL TO START MY OWN POLITICAL PARTY

How about the Lemon Party, you old lemon?

YES, THE LEMON PARTY

FIRST WITH ME IS RON PAUL, I ADMIRE HIS STRICT CONSTITUTIONIST STANDS

I WILL START A LEMON PARTY WITH RON PAUL

What the heck are you going to campaign on? This is going to be a party of nothing but 70+ year old white guys!

WELL THEN WE WILL PROBABLY HAVE TO START WITH CPR LESSONS ON ACCOUNT OF THE HIGH RISK OF MEDICAL EMERGENCIES AT OUR MEETINGS

ALSO WE WILL TALK ABOUT MY FAVORITE PART OF FOOTBALL, THE TRENCH WARFARE

The linemen?

YES, THERE WILL BE MUCH DISCUSSION OF MAN ON MAN ACTION IN THE LEMON PARTY

Outstanding. Well, I'm sure you old lemons will have lots of fun.

WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU LEMONS, MAKE A LEMON PARTY

Is your stupid Lemon Party going to have a website?