Ozzie Guillen doesn't end. He just goes on and on, my friend. Some people started interviewing him not knowing who he was, and they'll continue interviewing forever just because Ozzie Guillen doesn't end. He just goes on and on, my friend. Some people started interviewing him not knowing who he was, and they'll continue interviewing forever just becau-

Supporting the White Sox is a lot like being Luke Wilson's character from Idiocracy. It's a righteous cause, but more often than not you're left wandering around thinking they're all dumb****s.

Tonight's Dugged-out is after the jump.

The Dugout

	OzzieOzzieOzzie: You think I'm going to bring in somebody to hit somebody with an 82 mile-an-hour fastball?
	OzzieOzzieOzzie: I'm going to bring in my best guy and make sure we get it done. That's the baseball I grew up with, not the [stuff] we play with right now.
	bud_is_wiser: What about Carrasco two weeks ago?
	OzzieOzzieOzzie: I told Carrasco to hit him. This time, no, I'm a professional. If you think we hit him on purpose, you are wrong.
	bud_is_wiser: So you're saying you wouldn't bring in a guy to throw at a batter unless you brought in somebody to throw at a batter?
	OzzieOzzieOzzie: Yes, and I will punch the mouth of any mother[stuffing] umpire who says otherwise
	bud_is_wiser: You can't punch umpires, Ozzie.
	OzzieOzzieOzzie: You're right, I would never punch an umpire. /picks up dugout phone
	OzzieOzzieOzzie: Carrasco will be here in a moment to punch the umpire in his mouth. Why would I ask him to do that? I'm a professional.
	bud_is_wiser: I... I don't understand?
	OzzieOzzieOzzie: I signed a five-year deal with this club, and we're going to play Kansas City a lot.
	bud_is_wiser: Ozzie, for the love of God, if you're going to threaten a person or group of people you should at least have the decency to do so directly, to their face.
	bud_is_wiser: and then when you're heading out to do that, you should have the decency to go "oh wait, I am not a complete nut bag" and just be mad in private
	OzzieOzzieOzzie: I never threatened the Royals! I threatened the media about the Royals.
	bud_is_wiser: Look, I'm sick of talking to you about this and those blow-up dolls doing the butt are making me uncomfortable.
	bud_is_wiser: If you were to threaten a man in every day life you could face severe legal consequences, anything from a court ordered restrainment all the way up to jailtime, if it were severe enough.
	bud_is_wiser: And a baseball to the dome could end a player's career or debilitate someone for the rest of their life. Hell, you could kill a man.
	bud_is_wiser: So let's see, you basically threatened the livelihood of 40+ men and in real life you could be considered a terrorist or at least a threat to society... so, being Major League Baseball, our equivalent of that iiiiiis.... /types into calculator
	bud_is_wiser: ...two-game suspension.
	OzzieOzzieOzzie: I wish we were like 10 games up or 20 games down, then I'd get a 10-game suspension.
	OzzieOzzieOzzie: But my team is going through a pretty tough time right now, and I have to be with them 100 percent. I let my club down for two days.
	OzzieOzzieOzzie: Augh, I hate this so much, I wish I'd gotten the 10-game suspension and then never let my team down
	bud_is_wiser: what is wrong with you, are you illiterate
	bud_is_wiser: did you learn about personal communication in a friggen antonym thesaurus are you in that keifer sutherland horror movie and just trying to outfox your mirror-self
	OzzieOzzieOzzie: I have many feathers to help me fly. I have a body and head, but I'm not alive. It is your strength which determines how far I go. You can hold me in your hand, but I'm never thrown. What am I?
	bud_is_wiser: /puts in earplugs
	Elijah_Price: /makes throat-slashing gesture with thumb
	bud_is_wiser: Wait a, what the
	Elijah_Price: What, I didn't do anything /points at Selig /pantomimes breaking something in half with hands
	bud_is_wiser: Are you seeing this?
	Elijah_Price: /bites thumb at Selig
	WordUpThome: /puts two fingers against throat /points at Selig
	bud_is_wiser: Aw Jim, not you! Not you too!
	WordUpThome: WHAT DID I DO WRONG I THOUGHT WE WERE HAM JIVIN'
	WordUpThome: I SEEN IT WITHIN THE FILM "EASTERN PROMISES" AND BELIEVED IT TO MEAN "I ATE TWO, FER YOU"
	bud_is_wiser: /speed walks out of room Two game suspension, Ozzie. Two games.
	OzzieOzzieOzzie: grrrr
	WordUpThome: BUT COACH, WITH THE PURCHASE OF GALLUSES YOU CAN BE SUSPENDED ALL SEASON LONG

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