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Somebody, anybody, give Barry Bonds a job. He's an interesting character. He'll bring fans into the stadium and sell merchandise. He'll hit you at least 20 homeruns in your DH or "bench" positions. The steroids and the media circus might be a detraction, but hey, you could add Amy Winehouse to your 40-man roster and get more production in the heat of constant scandal than you'd get from, say, Andy Marte. Andy Marte couldn't hit .200 if he had all season. Barry could probably do it in one game!Whether or not he's good for baseball is irrelevant. He's good for The Dugout. MLB, pretend you're the NBA for a minute and put him on whatever team needs "stars." While you're at it, put Pete Rose in the Hall of Fame. And come up with about 12 new words that rhyme with "stained" or "game."
Is Barry Bonds retired? I'm not sure! Let's ask him! Tonight's Dugout is after the jump.
(spoiler: no)
The Dugout
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GiantsFans: Bar-ry! Bar-ry! Bar-ry! |
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| **Online Host** GoldBonds has entered the chatroom in a big untucked dress shirt. |
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GoldBonds: hello my name is barry bonds you may remember me from such baseball as "last year" and "762 home runs" |
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GoldBonds: good to see so many people turn out for this ceremony honoring the great giants outfielders, nice to see the people who drove to the stadium and those who had public transportation bus you up |
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GoldBonds: barry bonds wants to thank the giants for inviting all these great guys, it's weird for- |
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GoldBonds: wait a minute theres a guy in the crowd not looking at me excuse me sir |
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GoldBonds: excuse me |
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GoldBonds: hey lil bat boy do me a favor |
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StalkerIshikawa: what |
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GoldBonds: that man was payin too much attention to willie mccovey take this brooch, go into the crowd, gouge out that mans eyes |
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StalkerIshikawa: /brandishes Jocasta's brooch, wanders into crowd |
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GoldBonds: as barry bonds was saying he would like to thank willie "hayes" mays for that great introduction |
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GoldBonds: and its weird for me not to be in uniform an the dodgers are right there /points, smiles |
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MoLinaMoProblems: uh, barry, those aren't the Dodgers |
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GoldBonds: say what now |
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MoLinaMoProblems: those are the Astros |
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AbercrombieAndPitch: hey |
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GeoffGoldBlum: what's up |
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GoldBonds: oh well i hate the sh** out of the astros too |
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GoldBonds: hey do you need any players on the astros |
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GeoffGoldBlum: nah I think we're good |
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AbercrombieAndPitch: yeah we'd have to talk to our manager first |
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GeoffGoldBlum: and I am p. sure our manager would try to kill himself |
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GoldBonds: yeah well you tell mr manager astro that barry bonds said, "i'm a bust you upside your astro dome" |
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AbercrombieAndPitch: we don't play in the Astrodome |
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GeoffGoldBlum: we play in Minute Maid Park |
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AbercrombieAndPitch: you're standing in it right now |
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GoldBonds: /looks around that don't make no sense, willy mays was just introducing me |
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GeoffGoldBlum: that was an usher |
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AbercrombieAndPitch: he said "peanuts" and you shook his hand for five minutes |
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GoldBonds: /looks through notes "I have not retired." /waves awkwardly "Thank you." |
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GoldBonds: our next guest in this celebration of san francisco giants outfielder is the great steve hosey, take it away steve |
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RingAroundTheHosey: Thank you, Barry. While it was a great honor to be considered one of Bowman's "best," it can't compare to the thrill of- |
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GeoffGoldBlum: beer, right here /raises hand |
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RingAroundTheHosey: One ice cold beer, comin' up! /sifts through tray |
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GoldBonds: hey did you hear the news guys barry bonds is officially not retired, would you like me to give him your information |
| **Online Host** AbercrombieAndPitch and GeoffGoldBlum have left the chatroom. |
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GoldBonds: hello |
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GoldBonds: aw |
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GoldBonds: well lou seal i guess its just you an me again |
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LouSeal: I want to cry so bad. But I don't think I can spare the moisture. |
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