The Michael Phelps Diet Might Kill Most People

I guess when you swim five miles a day and make winning gold medals look as simple as rafting down the Guadalupe, you're allowed to munch on whatever you want.

That said, it's pretty crazy an athletic specimen like Michael Phelps is said to be knocking out nearly 12,000 calories-a-day as part of his "diet."

Here's the daily menu, if you can stomach it.

Breakfast: Three fried-egg sandwiches loaded with cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, fried onions and mayonnaise. Two cups of coffee. One five-egg omelet. One bowl of grits. Three slices of French toast topped with powdered sugar. Three chocolate-chip pancakes.

Lunch: One pound of enriched pasta. Two large ham and cheese sandwiches with mayo on white bread. Energy drinks packing 1,000 calories.

Dinner: One pound of pasta. An entire pizza. More energy drinks.

Honestly, I'm tired just reading about all of that. The 6'4", 195-pound Phelps's eating habits might seem as ridiculous as the Macaulay Culkin scene from "Home Alone" but I guess when you're working every muscle a human has in the pool, you need this much energy. Even a doctor is saying so.

"I think for him, because of his caloric demands, he can probably eat whatever he wants to," Mark Klion, a sports medicine doc and orthopedic surgeon at Mount Sinai Medical Center in New York said."if you've got to eat that much, it better be enjoyable, or you won't be able to keep up. Phelps might not be so eager to shovel down a pound of tofu in a sitting."

So, there you have it. If you're looking for your kid to be the next Olympic Zeus, make sure you're packing him with enough pasta to piss off Pisa because he's going to need that energy. That or the kid will just get fat.

It's strange that after reading this I feel a lot less guilty about scarfing down that mid-afternoon Snickers. Phelps relates to even us regular guys!

Michael Phelps

US swimmer Michael Phelps competes during the men's 100m butterfly swimming heats at the National Aquatics Center during the 2008 Beijing Olympic Games in Beijing on August 14, 2008. AFP PHOTO / TIMOTHY CLARY (Photo credit should read TIMOTHY CLARY/AFP/Getty Images)

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United States' Michael Phelps swims in a men's 200-meter individual medley semi-final during the swimming competitions in the National Aquatics Center at the Beijing 2008 Olympics in Beijing, Thursday, Aug. 14, 2008. (AP Photo/David J. Phillip)

BEIJING - AUGUST 14: Michael Phelps of the United States competes in the Men's 100m Butterfly Heat 9 at the National Aquatics Centre during Day 6 of the Beijing 2008 Olympic Games on August 14, 2008 in Beijing, China. (Photo by Al Bello/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Michael Phelps

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US swimmer Michael Phelps competes during the men's 200m individual medley swimming semifinal at the National Aquatics Center during the 2008 Beijing Olympic Games in Beijing on August 14, 2008. AFP PHOTO / TIMOTHY CLARY (Photo credit should read TIMOTHY CLARY/AFP/Getty Images)

AFP/Getty Images

BEIJING - AUGUST 14: Milorad Cavic of Serbia finishes the Men's 100m Butterfly Heat 9 in first place held at the National Aquatics Centre during Day 6 of the Beijing 2008 Olympic Games on August 14, 2008 in Beijing, China. (Photo by Vladimir Rys/Bongarts/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Michael Phelps;Milorad Cavic

Bongarts/Getty Images

United States' Michael Phelps swims in a men's 100-meter butterfly heat during the swimming competitions in the National Aquatics Center at the Beijing 2008 Olympics in Beijing, Thursday, Aug. 14, 2008. (AP Photo/Mark J. Terrill)

BEIJING - AUGUST 14: Michael Phelps of the United States competes in the Men's 100m Butterfly Heat 9 held at the National Aquatics Centre during Day 6 of the Beijing 2008 Olympic Games on August 14, 2008 in Beijing, China. (Photo by Clive Brunskill/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Michael Phelps

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