"Mr. Longoria! Do you think that the 2008 Rays are the 69 Mets in disguise?"
"I don't know, but do you want to see my impression of the 2007 Mets?"
"Sure!"
"/collapses"

Cinderella's glass slipper has broken. Snow White is comatose and being cared for by dwarves. Gaston is trying to stab the Beast to death. Whatever your comparison, the Rays have hit a snag and are down with one crucial injury after another with only a few games keeping them on top of the division. The baseball world watches with anticipation to see if the team can hold together and overcome the odds.

What are the Rays going to do? Who will fill those holes in the lineup? Can you type on the Internet with a broken wrist? Do the Rays have anything to do with free agency? These questions and more (slightly more) in tonight's Dugout, after the jump.

The Dugout

	Maddon08: Zim, things are great in Tampa Bay!
	ZimmerDownFellas: hep hep hep, you said it baws
	Maddon08: We're almost five games up on the Sox, I updated my screen name, all the orange drink we can stomach...
	Maddon08: Manny's out of the AL East, the Yankees are struggling, the O's are terrible, the Blue Jays don't exist...
	Maddon08: We're getting a new stadium, new uniforms, and next year we're shortening the name and becoming the "Tamp Ays!" It's great! Nothing can go wrong for us.
	ZimmerDownFellas: snorf, "tamp ays" is what the oaklan wives use on their doodles during their thing
	Maddon08: what
	Online Host Crawfish has entered the chatroom!
	Crawfish: hey coach I need your help, something's wrong with my finger, I can't move it
	Maddon08: Oh God, what happened?
	Crawfish: we were playing the Mariners right, and in the 10th inning Ichiro was givin me a look so I tried to type some Japanese at him and broke my finger
	Crawfish: I just heard something pop and I'm afraid I'm messed up bad and might miss the rest of the season
	Maddon08: we can't let you sit out the rest of the season, Carl, we need you in the lineup! You seem to be typing okay with a broken finger!
	Crawfish: that's because this isn't Carl typing, this is Rocco Baldelli typing on Carl's account.
	Maddon08: Rocco?? Where the hell have you been??
	Crawfish: my computer has a virus
	Maddon08: Rocco you are a millionaire, go to the Best Buy and buy yourself a goddamned computer and get back in my lineup
	Maddon08: Carl, you rest up, and the next time Ichiro shoots you the stank-eye, get Iwamura to come to your house and type on your account, or however the hell this is supposed to work
	Online Host Crawfish has left the chatroom.
	Maddon08: Kids today. Too much technology, that's their problem!
	ZimmerDownFellas: guffaw, when i was a boy i had to affix the beads of an abacus and throw it from my window to instant message my chums
	Maddon08: you couldn't have just yelled out of the window at them
	ZimmerDownFellas: yeah well you have a telephone and use it to type to people, couldn't you just use the telephone part to call them if you wanted to talk to them
	Maddon08: good point
	Online Host evan_longoria has entered the chatroom!
	Maddon08: boy you are the best player on our team, why is your screen name just your name
	evan_longoria: k; ;kyhf p;sh;olhyi ;yh
	Maddon08: you could be "AllDogsGoToEvan," or "MyBlueEvan"... really you could go anywhere, the only thing I've got is the damn John Madden games
	evan_longoria: bro ke wrist have 2 hunt n peck
	Maddon08: WHAT TELL ME YOU'RE [defecating] ME!
	evan_longoria: no sry fku cing mariners
	Maddon08: All right, calm down, I can't understand what you're saying what I want you to do is pick up the telephone with your good hand
	Maddon08: see if that makess typing easier
	Online Host evan_longoria has gone idle.
	Maddon08: /types "HELLO? HELLO?" into telephone, sends
	Maddon08: This is terrible. First Carl gets hurt, and then Evan and tells me THIS!
	ZimmerDownFellas: and now you know-
	ZimmerDownFellas: the wrist of the story
	Maddon08: /falls down
	Online Host percival_war has entered the chatroom.
	percival_war: hey coach, I hate to keep piling on the bad news but I am Troy Percival, so I'm going to be out for the rest of Raygust
	percival_war: I might be able to come back during Tamptember, but more than likely I'll be out until Octobay
	Maddon08: did you injure yourself trying to work our team name into the months of the year
	percival_war: no sir I blew out my knee I'm raying for a speedy recovery, but even God can't always stop the workings of the Devil
	percival_war: rrrrraysss
	Online Host percival_war has been kicked from the chatroom!
	Maddon08: all right. /removes cap, wipes brow All right. I'm wearing Lizzie McGuire's mom's glasses but even I can see that we'll be okay
	Maddon08: Rocco can come back and play for Carl. Evan is a big loss, but we can stick Aybar at third until we know what we're up against...
	ZimmerDownFellas: an you got that hockey goalie what can pitch the relief
	Maddon08: /grabs Zimmer by head /hurls him to ground
	ZimmerDownFellas: boooh
	GoldBonds: excuse me gentle men but barry bonds happent to be lurking in this chatroom and heard that your line up was busted up
	GoldBonds: it is none other than barry bonds who has the tonic for what ails you
	GoldBonds: for you see baseball is music an the crack a the bat is the melody a pop up sounds thin, a line drive resounds fully and deeply
	GoldBonds: home runs echo... when you been listenin to the sounds of bats all your life you can hear the echo
	Maddon08: What does your swing sound like?
	GoldBonds: a cash register opening, an then somebody throwin up into the cash register
	GoldBonds: barry bonds can play dh until that lady from disparate housewifes gets better
	Maddon08: that's nice of you to offer, but our hole is at third base, Evan plays third.
	GoldBonds: oh okay well i can play bench for you until your dh learns how to play third and then i can play your dh /makes "call me" hand gesture, points to Maddon
	Maddon08: that's... that's nice, but no, no thank you
	GoldBonds: aight well if you dont want barry bonds for dh you can have fun grabbin his big head and throwin him down onto the ground for a small fee
	Maddon08: no, sorry, that position is filled as well
	ZimmerDownFellas: /rolls into ditch

Hot on HuffPost:

The Dugout: Rays Lowered

The Dugout

Photos link to player info. (Photo Credit: Getty Images) WordUpThome.com

Hot Leads

ON FACEBOOK

News From Our Partners

Also on AOL >>>

Depp's Dames

Alicia's Evolution

Lip-Sync Fun

They Hooked You

Hot on HuffPost:

The Dugout: Rays Lowered

The Dugout

Photos link to player info. (Photo Credit: Getty Images) WordUpThome.com

Hot Leads

HuffPost AOL Social News Most Popular

ON FACEBOOK

News From Our Partners

Also on AOL >>>

Depp's Dames

Alicia's Evolution

Lip-Sync Fun

They Hooked You