Zambrano Warns Us Of The Dangers Of Gum

He was standing on the pitcher's mound at Wrigley Field yesterday afternoon, doing what he always does, shutting down an opponent. But as Carlos Zambrano stalked around the mound like a caged tiger preparing for the fifth inning, a grimace broke over his face. This tiger was in pain.

Immediately the Cubs trainer leapt from the dugout and sprinted to the mound to see what the problem was. As he ran out there, Cubs fans in Wrigley Field and around the world held their breath in terror. "Dear God, no!" they thought. "What is wrong with our wonderful Carlos!? How will we win the World Series now!"

Thankfully, it turned out that it was only a chipped tooth that the Mighty Zambrano had been dealing with, and everything is okay now.

Zambrano had cracked an upper right molar but quickly spit it out and proceeded to complete seven innings of one-run ball as the Cubs won their seventh straight series and increased their National League Central lead over idle Milwaukee to 51/2 games.

"I think I ate too much gum, and the gum has a lot of sugar," Zambrano said. "I keep telling my daughter not to eat a lot of gum and I'm not a good example. I think my daughters will be all over me at the house. I accept it."

Am I the only one who finds it ironic that the Cubs season and World Series hopes were nearly destroyed by some chewing gum when the stadium they play in is named after a company that's most famous for it's chewing gum? Could it be the real reason that the Cubs haven't won a World Series in 100 years is not a black cat, a billy goat, or Steve Bartman?

Is it the never-ending supply of free gum the team gets that rots their teeth, and then robs them of their confidence? There isn't any evidence to support this new ground-breaking theory of mine, but then again, I'm a blogger. I don't need evidence. I say it's true!