**OnlineHost** Welcome to Radio Shack Chat!

NietoMosquito: yes sir! y'wanted t'see me?

manager: Yeah, have a seat. And don't call me sir, you're like twice my age.

NietoMosquito: okey doke!

NietoMosquito: i gotta tell ya, thanks fer lettin' an old fogey like mr. tom work at yer store!

NietoMosquito: i love fiddlin' with odds an' ends an' all that! sure, right now i can't tell a D.V.D. from a V.C.R., but y'n teach an old dog new tricks!

manager: Let's take a look at your numbers. You've been here...a month. Long enough to know your way around.

Let me ask you, how many cell phones did you sell today?

NietoMosquito: wull actually, i ain't sold any! but i did help a nice old lady put a new battery in 'er wrist-watch! $3.17, cash in hand, fer nothin' but a little ol' battery an' a helpin' hand!

manager: Doesn't matter. We make money by selling phones, not a bunch of low-cost crap.

NietoMosquito: oop!

/covers ears with hands

NietoMosquito: i hate to be too p'tic'lar, but could y'gimme a heads-up when yer gonna bounce around the c-word? garbage in, garbage out, y'know?

manager: Whatever. Tom, remember the training manuals?

NietoMosquito: yessir! proud graduate o' Radio Shack University! still got all th'trainin' books at m'house! every night, 'fore i get some shut-eye, i leaf through'm! fact, i zonked out last night while i was in the middle o'readin the chapter 'bout capacitors!

NietoMosquito: (just kiddin', that's just a joke, i thought that chapter was real swell! really cooked m'noodle!)

NietoMosquito: 'member when you printed me out m'diploma! wull i took it an' framed it on m'wall!

NietoMosquito: got yer John Hancock on it, hangin' next t'th' picture o' me an' m' old boss, Mr. Omar Minaya!

manager: Don't care. Don't care at all.

Now, let's hear it. When I say, "H.O.T. the AAA way," what does it mean to you?

NietoMosquito: yer askin' the right fella! i mem'rized it from th'trainin' manuals!

NietoMosquito: /stands up

/smile beams across face

NietoMosquito:

Help'm with their problem!
Offer'm a great deal on a wireless phone!
Tell'm what we're famous for -- th'best deals on electronics anywhere!

NietoMosquito: an' the AAA means--

manager: pfffft ahahaha

just shut up, dumbass, you're fired

NietoMosquito: oh

manager: I just wanted to hear you say that stuff one more time. I swear to God, you are the biggest tool I've ever met.

manager: I mean, what the hell is wrong with you? Why are you working at Radio Shack? You're like 50 years old! I'm your boss, and I'm 23! Don't you feel like a loser?

NietoMosquito: wull

manager: And on top of all that, you actually act like you have some important job! You wear that stupid Mets tie to work every day! You smile at all the customers! You help all these people who come in here for like two bucks' worth of stuff, and you're happy about it!

manager: Just get out of here, man.

NietoMosquito: wull okay

just um, just lemme get m'tool kit an' m'lunch an' stuff

NietoMosquito: /opens mini-fridge, takes out Mets-themed lunch box

least i'n save m' PBJ fer supper! no use lettin' a tasty sandwich go t'waste!

manager: hahahaha ohhh mannnn

Shut up, shut up, you're making me laugh too hard. I'm just imagining you, sitting at your kitchen table by yourself

manager: pfffft and

and you've got that stupid ass lunchbox open, and you're eating some day-old sandwich out of it, and

manager: and like you've, like, got a napkin stuff into your collar and s***

hahahah

AHAHAHAHAHAH

manager: oh god i can't stop laughing

NietoMosquito: /beams, fidgets uncomfortably

wull m' teachers always said i was th'class clown! heh!

NietoMosquito: welp! guess i better hit th'ol' dusty trail! if i need some new transistors and i'm in th'neighborhood, i'll be sure t'look ya up!

NietoMosquito: /salutes

/ambles to front of store, opens door

GoldBonds: /shoves past Tom Nieto, walks inside

NietoMosquito: /lunchbox knocked open, contents spill onto sidewalk

NietoMosquito: OH NO NOT M'SUPPER

**OnlineHost** The door shuts, and Tom Nieto is no longer audible from inside. He can be seen through the window, stooped down, vainly attempting to salvage his peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

GoldBonds: hey, are you guys hiring

manager: Hey! You know what, man, we're always hiring! Tell you what, there's actually a website you can go to that lets you apply online.

GoldBonds: we are already online, this is a chat room

manager: I, uh

damn it, I just said that to get rid of you

GoldBonds: whatever, gainful employment has nothing to do with barry bonds

hey, do you have lantern batteries here

manager: Yep. /places on counter

That'll be $7.38.

GoldBonds: thanks

GoldBonds: /takes off shirt, opens small door in center of chest, places battery in the void where his heart should be