Squirrel Proves To Be National Pastime's Most Determined Menace

Lots of things have threatened the MOST AMERICAN SPORT OF THEM ALL lately -- steroids, Bud Selig discussing steroids, Roger Clemens taking steroids, and steroids. Also, HGH, kind of.

But nothing is more dangerous to our nation's official pastime than the random wanderings of a squirrel in left-center field. Oh, you think that sounds innocent and cute, but that fur-covered weapon is two full pounds of unrestrained fury:

Look at him ducking! Look at his evasive manuevers! This squirrel is trained in the finest of fake-government-agent acting techniques. Tom Cruise would be proud. But let's just pray he's on our side.

Did You See That?

Thailand's Vilasinee Sukkarath prepares to play a shot during a Boccia training session for the 2008 Beijing Paralympic Games in Beijing Friday Sept. 5, 2008. The Paralympic Games open Sept 6.

Greg Baker, AP

Toro Rosso Formula One driver Sebastien Bourdais of France passes by the McLaren team during the first practice session at the Belgian F1 Grand Prix circuit in Spa-Francorcamps, Belgium, Friday Sept. 5, 2008.

Yves Logghe, AP

CRANS, SWITZERLAND - SEPTEMBER 04: Ignacio Garrido of Spain plays his second shot on the 17th hole during the first round of the Omega European Masters at Crans-Sur-Sierre Golf Club on September 4, 2008 in Crans Montana, Switzerland. (Photo by Andrew Redington/Getty Images)

Andrew Redington, Getty Images

In this photo provided by Milk Processors Education Program, a poster image of NBA player and Olympic gold medalist Dwight Howard appears to be looking over the shoulder of Howard as he takes a sip of milk between media interviews after the unveiling of his new milk mustache ad, held at his former school, Southwest Atlanta Christian Academy, Thursday, Sept. 4, 2008, in Atlanta.

John Amis, Milk PEP/AP

Indian billiards player Pankaj Advani plays a shot during his semifinal match in the International Billiards and Snooker Fedaration (IBSF) World Championships in Bangalore on September 4, 2008. The world's leading Billiards players gathered in the southern Indian city to participate in the IBSF World Championship.

Dibyangshu Sarkar, AFP/Getty Images

Fans scatter as a bat belonging to Florida Marlins' John Baker flies into the stands during the first inning of a baseball game against the Atlanta Braves Wednesday, Sept. 3, 2008 at Dolphin Stadium in Miami.

Wilfredo Lee, AP

Pittsburgh Pirates third baseman Andy LaRoche just misses a short fly ball by Cincinnati Reds' Corey Patterson for a hit in the sixth inning of a baseball game, Wednesday, Sept. 3, 2008, in Cincinnati. Pittsburgh won the game 6-5.

Al Behrman, AP

A band of disabled performers rehearse for the opening ceremony of the Beijing 2008 Paralympic Games in the National Stadium on September 3, 2008 in Beijing, China. The Beijing 2008 Paralympics will open on September 6.

China Photos/Getty Images

A general view of the match between Roger Federer of Switzerland and Igor Andreev of Russia during Day 9 of the 2008 U.S. Open at the USTA Billie Jean King National Tennis Center on September 2, 2008 in the Flushing neighborhood of the Queens borough of New York City.

Chris McGrath, Getty Images

Goalkeeper Oliver Kahn leaves the pitch during the Oliver Kahn farewell match between FC Bayern Muenchen and Germany at the Allianz Arena on September 2, 2008 in Munich, Germany.

Lars Baron, Bongarts/Getty Images