Michael Phelps Proves He's Not Great at Everything; Bombs Badly as <em>SNL</em> Host

There have been many athletes that have appeared on Saturday Night Live. And relative to other miserable on-stage performances, most of them have been pretty funny.

Okay, so most of them haven't been that great. But Derek Jeter's Taco Hole is absolutely killer and Peyton Manning might have been the funniest person on the show -- no, I'm not just talking hosts -- since Will Ferrell left.

Expecting that sort of show from Phelps seemed a bit aggressive. Being funny, after all, on live national television is not easy. But there's a big difference between not being funny and just being flat-out unentertaining and, well, flat.

Phelps was both on Saturday. One skit was funny and it drew on the softball Michael Phelps Diet joke, but that didn't matter since anyone with any sensibility (or charged with reviewing this FAIL-fest) had already turned off the television, since it came at the very end of the show.

Check out Video of Phelps' Performance!

Phelps got an immediate hookup on the performance -- Tina Fey decided to show up as Sarah Palin, juxtaposing the always foxy (I have a really weird obsession, sorry) Amy Poehler as Hillary Clinton in what came off as a pretty funny intro skit and a misrepresentation of what would follow.

Sports Stars Who Hosted SNL'

Michael Phelps
Date: Sept. 13, 2008
Fresh off his amazing Olympic performance, Phelps hosted 'Saturday Night Live,' but he didn't earn a gold medal for his efforts.

Dana Edelson, NBCU Photo Bank / AP

LeBron James
Date: Sept. 27, 2007
Although James is a superstar on the court, his performance as a host was rather dismal, except for a few laughs.

Dana Edelson, NBC / AP

Peyton Manning
Date: March 24, 2007
The Super Bowl champion had one of the most memorable moments in recent 'SNL' history with his United Way PSA skit.

Tom Brady
Date: April 16, 2005
The Patriots quarterback was very impressive as a host. Just like on the football field, Brady avoided most of the miscues that other athletes hosting 'SNL' have historically fell victim to.

Dana Edelson, NBC / AP

Andy Roddick
Date: Nov. 8, 2003
The tennis star is only the second tennis player to host. Despite his entertaining interviews, Roddick's performance as host was nothing to write home about.

Jason Kempin, Getty Images

Jeff Gordon
Date: Jan. 11, 2003
The NASCAR driver, who is loved and hated by race fans, is still the only NASCAR racer to ever host 'SNL.'

Michael Tran, FilmMagic

The Rock
Date: April 12, 2002
Dwayne Johnson, better known as 'The Rock,' has had success in movies and attributes much of that to his solid performance hosting 'SNL.'

Gregg DeGuire, WireImage

Jonny Moseley
Date: March 2, 2002
The Olympic gold medalist relied on goofy antics to spark any laughter from the crowd.

Jed Jacobsohn, Getty Images

Derek Jeter
Date: Dec. 1, 2001
The three-time Gold Glove winner received very good reviews as a host.

Jemal Countess, FilmMagic

Deion Sanders
Date: Feb. 18, 1995
'Prime Time' struggled late at night in his 'SNL' debut.

Bryan Bedder, Getty Images

Throughout the monologue, it was pretty obvious that he was there to play the role of a straight man -- hence the Denny Crane Shatner cameo pimping Priceline. And also because they used both Poehler and Will Forte to try and inject some humor -- key word "try" -- into a short piece that was uninspiring at best. I thought he would be a little more excited -- he had mentioned he was pretty thrilled at the gig -- so I was relatively shocked when he said it was his "ninth greatest achievement". Oh. I see. That was a joke. Whoops.

Kudos though, to whoever decided that Phelps, with a blonde wig on top, would look perfect as a home-schooled Amish teenager. He did. Even up to the inability to hold back a grin in a fairly amusing "Quizbowl" skit that wasn't designed at all to try and make the swimmer humorous, although it did take shots at the public schooling system, amid obvious jokes.

It wasn't as obvious as the "Locker Room Skit" -- one that Manning killed -- making an appearance; Phelps somehow managed to dehumorize a line that includes the phrase "fudged my Speedo". And considering I laughed re-reading it, well, that's not good. In better news: Kings of Leon next week.

"Ugly Kids" (not the actual name, just the generic title I'm attaching to the SNL skit with socially awkward children amid parents and their guests) was, well, what it is always: primarily lame and awkward. I can't fault Phelps for his performance, even if it was a B-rate impersonation of Napoleon Dynamite, but this skit is never funny, so yeah, whoops. Again.

(Aside: Surely I'm not the only one who thinks Beverly Hills Chihuahua means an imminent collapse of Earth's center core and brimfire reigning down? Right?)

(Aside 2: I hope that Lorne Michaels took the "Weekend Update" break to slap Phelps around for somehow managing to flat-line even Lil' Wayne's introduction.)

And instead of an aside, I'm just going to ask you -- why is Darrell Hammond still hanging around SNL? He does like one skit a week, he's the only holdover left from the previous cast change and is he really that funny? Because his Bella imitation on "The Charles Barkley Show" was not. Yet, it was still funnier than Michael Phelps playing ... Michael Phelps. Sigh.

On the bright side, Phelps said roughly 30 words over the next two skits, four of which were funny. Oh no. Nevermind. They were horrible. That might be because after trying to spin off some Fave-5 T-Mobile joke about adultery, they let new cast member Bobby Moynihan get loose as a waiter in a skit that was, um, not good. Well, unless you count "Somehow making Phelps appear less worse" as "good." Then it was good.

NBC pulled out all the stops for this one, including a Jared Fogle (Honestly, how is this guy still relevant?) cameo in the middle of the aforementioned Phelps Diet skit, which is a shame. Because, just like Fogle's description of the Phelps diet, it "sucked a fat one."

I'd like to think that it wasn't all Phelps and that the writing has somehow come back down from a brief resurgence during the last season, but the fact is, he had some chances to be funny and didn't do anything to convert at all. Like, if he was in charge of writing this, he would totally not give himself the gold.

Michael Phelps

In this photo provided by NBC, U.S. Olympic star Michael Phelps, right, dances with actor Will Forte during "Saturday Night Live" Saturday, Sept. 13, 2008 in New York. (AP Photo/Dana Edelson, NBCU Photo Bank)

** FILE ** In this Sept. 7, 2008 file photo, Michael Phelps arrives at the 2008 MTV Video Music Awards held at Paramount Pictures Studio Lot in Los Angeles. Phelps takes a break from rehearsals to discuss his weekend gig hosting the season premiere of "Saturday Night Live," where the Olympic champion swimmer follows in the footsteps of such previous jock hosts as Peyton Manning. (AP Photo/Chris Pizzello, File)

CEO Warnaco, and Helen McCluskey, Group President of Intimate Apparel and Swimwear. (Photo: Business Wire)

BUSINESS WIRE

NEW YORK - SEPTEMBER 09: Michael Phelps, Natalie Coughlin, Ryan Lochte, Joe Gromek, President and CEO of Warnaco, Helen McCluskey, Group President of Intimate Apparel and Swimwear visit the New York Stock Exchange on September 9, 2008 in New York City. (Photo by Malcolm Brown/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Michael Phelps;Natalie Coughlin;Ryan Lochte;Joe Gromek;Helen McCluskey

Getty Images

NEW YORK - SEPTEMBER 09: Joe Gromek (L) and Michael Phelps visit the New York Stock Exchange on September 9, 2008 in New York City. (Photo by Malcolm Brown/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Michael Phelps;Joe Gromek

Getty Images

NEW YORK - SEPTEMBER 09: Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps visits the New York Stock Exchange on September 9, 2008 in New York City. (Photo by Malcolm Brown/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Michael Phelps

Getty Images