This morning, Mr. Lackey touched on the self-canceling nature of Frank Caliendo's apology. For the second consecutive baseball postseason, Frank TV commercials have carped-bombed the baseball-watching experience, and Caliendo expresses remorse. In the same breath, though, he suggests that it wouldn't be advertised so much if the ratings were higher.

Math time. I think it's fair to say that Frank TV gets twenty thirty-second slots per game. Multiply that by, say, four games you might watch in a week on TBS. From commercials alone, that's 40 minutes of Frank TV. Nearly two episodes' worth. I believe we have already paid our Caliendo tax, sir.

Regardless, he is capable of the occasional funny impression, so I have allowed him to perform today's Dugout! It's after the jump.

The Dugout

	LargeHadronCaliendo: Hey folks! Frank Caliendo here! You may recognize me from "every time you open your eyes"
	LargeHadronCaliendo: You may also recognize me from "most every time you close your eyes"
	LargeHadronCaliendo: I also was recently featured in "that dream you always have where you're falling," in which I play "guy who shoves you out of the airplane"
	LargeHadronCaliendo: So, let's get to it! A Dugout, brought to you by the man of a million faces!
	LargeHadronCaliendo: Ahem.
	WordUpThome: MY NAME IS JI JIM THOME
	WordUpThome: NOW THAT THAT'S OUT OF THE WAY, I'LL ENGAGE IN DIALOGUE WITH A "STRAIGHT MAN," AND RARELY ANSWER HIS STATEMENTS DIRECTLY, INSTEAD EMBARKING UPON A SEPARATE AND PERPENDICULAR LINE OF MONOLOGUE
	Elijah_Price: I'm the straight man. It doesn't seem like you're even comprehending what I'm saying, but I'm going to keep talking as if you are.
	WordUpThome: SOMETHING TO WRAP UP MY CIRCUITOUS MONOLOGUE, WRITTEN IN A MANUFACTURED ATTEMPT TO ELICIT SENTIMENT AND EMOTIONAL GRAVITY
	LargeHadronCaliendo: Thank you, thank you. /clears throat
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: sup bitches
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: a lower-case discourse that uncannily resembles, "if zach morris suffered a concussion as a small child and never fully recovered"
	e5_rod: i am alex rodriguez, written from a place of equal parts respect and homophobia
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: and answered with further homophobia
	JetersNeverProsper: I am another "straight man," and serve to offer validation of this homosexual plot angle by being a "normal gay guy"
	JetersNeverProsper: which, in turn, is also kind of bigoted on a level of its own welp
	JetersNeverProsper: /sexual encounter
	LargeHadronCaliendo: Thank you, folks. Here's another.
	NietoMosquito: hey folks! m'name's tom nieto! a whole lotta apostrophes!
	NietoMosquito: m'character exists to perpetuate a plot line similar to the "mr. bill" skits on saturday night live, only somehow more sadistic!
	NietoMosquito: good ol' mr. hands! helpin m'get through this thing called life! oh no don't fire yer good friend tom, mr. hands! OHHHHH OH NOOOOO
	LargeHadronCaliendo: Tom Nieto, everybody. And, finally:
	LadyCop: Hi, my name is
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: /flings bat
	LadyCop: gurrrrrk
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: boom meta-bitch
	SteakGrowsOnDmitri: wheres ya blackface now mu****a
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: ey bra this bitch got like 40 bags a funyuns tucked in he waistband
	SteakGrowsOnDmitri: grab them s***s

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Frank Caliendo Performs a Dugout

The Dugout

Photos link to player info. WordUpThome.com Photo Credit: Getty, Creative Commons

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Frank Caliendo Performs a Dugout

The Dugout

Photos link to player info. WordUpThome.com Photo Credit: Getty, Creative Commons

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