Senility May Force Roger Goodell To Get All Ironically Up in Al Davis' Business

Sweet Lord, Al Davis. We love you. Well, maybe not "we", but I totally back your "control freak in a leisure suit" thing, man. If I was nine billion years old and worth slightly more money than years alive, I would absolutely run a football team. You've got a better deal than Joe Paterno with a few less questions about your sanity because you don't actually call the plays.

However, here's an idea: when a player burns you by not trying hard enough simply because your franchise sucks, well, don't claim he faulted you when he shatters a world record with Tom Brady throwing him the rock the next year. Ah, yes, I see. Just like most of America, you would prefer "rationality" to "I'm going to sue your pants off". No, that's fine. Really.

Davis said the Patriots had tampered with Randy Moss before a deal in April 2007 that brought the wide receiver to New England for a fourth-round choice the weekend of the NFL draft. Patriots coach Bill Belichick denied the claim by Davis that New England had a workout with Moss before obtaining him in the trade.

In a June 5, 2008, memo distributed by Goodell to NFL clubs entitled "Policy on Integrity of the Game and Enforcement of Competitive Rules," the commissioner informed NFL team officials that competitive rules violations must be made in a timely manner. Davis' accusations against the Patriots came 18 months after the transaction occurred.

(Quick caveat/aside: this report is from Scoop (he really would prefer you call him that) so we have zero idea if it has any reliability, but assuming it is true, well, Al Davis needs to retire. Or stop making insanely ridiculous accusations just because he's teed off.

Because it's gonna end up costing him straight cash homey -- or worse, draft picks! Nooooo! Less JaMarcus Russells! (I kid. If Lane Kiffin hadn't been standing in his way for the past 30 years, he would have already been great.)

But seriously, I get it -- I've been cheddered because a girl broke up with me and demanded to find out who she was sleeping with, but that doesn't mean I was right.

So for Al to think that the Pats somehow planned for Randy to tank his two seasons in Oakland (the only conceivable way the tampering charges would work, no?) well, I'm sorry to tell you, but "Hello, 'senility'". Or "Hello, 'Creepy Last Crusade Dude Post Drinking the Wrong Grail Cup Thing'". Whatever works for you.