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The Dugout: Ray Hotel Foxtrot

Oct 20, 2008 – 6:35 PM
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Jon Bois

Jon Bois %BloggerTitle%

Who are the Tampa Bay Rays? How did they surpass the Yankees and Red Sox this year? Are you able to appreciate the Wilco reference in the above title? How did they parlay the second-lowest payroll in baseball into a World Series berth?

I don't know as much about this team as I should, but I do know that they play old-style, hardscrabble, hard-nosed punch-fisted baseball. In fact, I'd go as far as to say that they live their lives as off-the-grid survivalists, utterly independent of societal trappings

Today's Dugout is after the jump.

The Dugout

**OnlineHost** Welcome to Rural Florida Chat!

Maddon08: /idles car on side of county road, steps out

/moves fallen branch, exposing hidden dirt trail

Maddon08: /drives to small clearing in forest, steps out, lugs bucket of just-add-water emergency food rations to campfire

Maddon08: Dinner time, boys!

Crawfish: Thank God! I haven't eaten since break of day!

Maddon08: How is the avocado tree growing?

Crawfish: Slowly. I planted it two years ago. Apparently five years need to pass before it starts bearing fruit.

Crawfish: Avocados, though, are packed with nutrients and healthy fat, so it'll be worth the wait. I think we should each be able to subsist solely on two to three avocados a day.

Maddon08: Good, good. Since our K-rations ran out, I thought it was a good idea to invest in these emergency food rations. You just add them to boiled water, and you have your meal.

Maddon08: This bucket cost me $100 at Costco, and includes 255 servings of food. Rice and lentil soup...pancakes...this thing is full of great stuff!

RoccosModernLife: by any chance are there any meals in that bucket that are just 100% gluten

Maddon08: Actually, Rocco, I took the liberty of just buying these bags of flour, sugar, and salt. Just mix them with some water, whip it into a paste, and eat it. You'll be able to stay awake for hours!

RoccosModernLife: :0)

Maddon08: Your smilie has a nose on it!

RoccosModernLife: no actually i just fell asleep and my head hit the keyboard weird

Maddon08: Matt? Where's Matt Garza?

ChasingGarz: /looks up from wood shavings and whittling knife

Right here, Coach!

Maddon08: Matt, you were lights-out last night. We wouldn't be in the World Series without you. So tonight, you're getting...

/rustles through bucket of rations

Maddon08: Spaghetti noodles with Alfredo powder!

ChasingGarz: yayyyy

**OnlineHost** The team sits around the campfire, engaging in a Game of Wit as they wait for their meals to cook.

WhatPriceGlory: /holds cowbell aloft

Gentlemen! I have a "telling-point"!

Crawfish: It's about time! I haven't heard a "telling-point" from you since Wednesday last!

WhatPriceGlory: Perhaps I have been busy performing the "have-sex" with your sister!

RoccosModernLife: Ha ha ha ! !

Maddon08: Ho! I believe you just scored a "telling-point"! Please, indulge us in another!

WhatPriceGlory: Very well.

I woke up this morning and chased after an elephant, wearing only my pajama pants.

WhatPriceGlory: How the elephant fit into my pajama pants, I will never know!


Maddon08: Hey, food's ready. Eat up, friends!

Crawfish: wow, this chicken and lentil soup is actually sticking to my teeth

since when does soup stick to your teeth, how is that even possible

WhatPriceGlory: God, these pancakes taste like popcorn. This isn't right.

ChasingGarz: eeeesh

I have to say, this spaghetti and Alfredo is horrible

ChasingGarz: it's almost as if everything in this meal is made out of the exact same thing, like it's trillions of identical atoms that are just arranged in different ways

Maddon08: Sorry, friends. We may need to resort to venison entrails and tree bark after all. We just don't have the payroll to feed ourselves like common men.

Maddon08: Neither have we a stipend for water or shelter. We must abide by what the good Lord has given us -- a sturdy Earth and a moonlit sky.

Maddon08: Rocco, how is your dinner?

RoccosModernLife: /pours flour, salt, sugar, and four tablespoons of own spit into canteen

/shakes vigorously

RoccosModernLife: /slurps chunky yield from canteen

/smacks lips

RoccosModernLife: this is so mother****ing tasty

Photos link to player info. Photo Credit: Getty, Creative Commons
Filed under: Sports