Sup, buds? I thought the last half-game of the season would be a great time to get back on the ol' wagon. So, yeah.How about this World Series, right? Lots of controversy and...time to talk about it. With the gap in play tonight and AOL prohibiting me from watching the NBA I was forced to watch Fringe, which sucks no matter how many people say it's interesting. I saw 3 minutes of it at halftime and was half tempted to send a letter to the writers. "How dare you."
So my prediction for the Series: They resume play tomorrow for an inning, where the Phillies take the lead, and call it after a light drizzle. Then everyone will act outraged when they really don't give a crap and Kevin Blackistone will defend the decision. Big wheel keeps on turnin'.
While I have the mic, I'd like to pimp. Drew Magary's book is awesome and you should pick it up. Loved it.
The Dugout
| **Online Host** Welcome to Umpires Chat 10/18/2008! | |
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WelkeItOut: Alright, let's make this quick. Me and the Mrs. are visiting assisted living communities to frighten the elderly. |
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UmpinCulbreth: Wait up, Tim. Jeff isn't here yet. |
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WelkeItOut: Jesus, what is with that guy?! Old people go to bed at, like, 6. I spent 5 hours fashioning my Town & Country into a S.W.A.T. van and, hell be damned, I'm going to plow into a gated neighborhood with my wife firing blanks out the rear hatch. |
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UmpinCulbreth: Pretty excessive way to ring in Halloween. |
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WelkeItOut: Ever been to St. Petersburg in the fall before? That's all there is to do here, man. |
| **Online Host** TheBoringSpecialK has entered the chat room | |
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TheBoringSpecialK: sorry i'm late guys. what'd i miss? |
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WelkeItOut: Me making the argument that you're dumber than Shaquille O'Neal after 6 bottles of Robitussin. Everyone else sort of nodding in agreement. Any arguments? |
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TheBoringSpecialK: hey |
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WelkeItOut: Sit in your seat and shut up before I butt your nose in with my count clicker. This shouldn't take long. I've been named Crew Chief, which boils down to me catching the flack for every missed call in the World Series. Even if I take a foul ball to the temple and leave the game 4 innings prior, the blame falls on me. |
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WelkeItOut: Now, I'm not going to have my reputation tarnished by the likes of you bimbos, so I want to make this as blatantly clear as possible. Do not. I repeat, DO NOT get caught handing this series to the Phillies. It is imperative. |
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WelkeItOut: We've been under a harsh level of public scrutiny ever since the NBA refs got caught and the last thing we need is a surveilance photo of Jeff spritzing lye into Carlos Pena's Gatorade. We've got to be more discrete. |
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UmpinCulbreth: You mean like botching close plays? |
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WelkeItOut: Well, yeah, we're obviously going to potf*** calls when we can, but that's probably not going to be enough. We need more. |
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TheBoringSpecialK: instant replay is going to screw that up anyway. |
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WelkeItOut: Actually, I was thinking the opposite. With the boys in the booth on our side we have free reign to screw up any reviewable play, what with it being the controversy it's grown to be. Purists will love it. |
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UmpinCulbreth: Twofold if we take a homerun away from a DH. Most purists use the terms "designated hitter" and "errant technological rape of the game" interchangeably. |
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TheBoringSpecialK: what if we wave those noodle balloons behind the pitcher like they do in basketball that would screw up the hitters right? |
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WelkeItOut: Seriously, Jeff? Can I be honest with you for a second? /punches larynx |
| **Online Host** TheBoringSpecialK's throat squeaks like a chew toy. He collapses, turning blue, gasping for air. | |
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WelkeItOut: THOSE THINGS ARE MORE ANNOYING THAN THOSE ACORN ASS****S STAKING OUT MY TRAIN STATION |
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WelkeItOut: VOTER REGISTRATION IS OVER WHY WON'T YOU DIIIIEEEEEEEE |
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TschidaTschidaBangBang: Do we have an inside horse? |
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WelkeItOut: I think so. I told Akinori Iwamura to strike out whenever there are men on base and he smiled and nodded enthusiastically. I didn't even offer him any money. As long as "Death Stench" Selig doesn't stick his nose in our business we should be golden. |
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TheBoringSpecialK: wait so why are we screwing over the rays again? |
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WelkeItOut: Remember that time Raymond drove over an umpire doll with his ATV? Well, payback's a bitch. |
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WelkeItOut: Oh, and I've got 3 g's on Philly. |
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