If you're old enough to read this, you're old enough to not go trick-or-treating. You are permitted to go to a friend's hipster Halloween party ironically dressed as George Michael from WHAM! (or, if you're a woman, George Michael from WHAM!), but under no circumstances are you to go door-to-door with your nonsense.

Now that this is established, please enjoy this Dugout about adults trick-or-treating. It's after the jump.

The Dugout

	KingOfPap: /trudges to neighbor's doorstep, banging plastic jack-o-lantern bucket against leg with every step /rings doorbell
	man: /opens door Well hello! And who might you be?
	KingOfPap: im a gost
	man: A ghost, huh? Young man, did you know that Halloween is a celebration of Satan?
	KingOfPap: nop
	man: Well, it is. Every Halloween, my family and I prefer to celebrate Jesus' birthday instead! Would you like some birthday cake?
	KingOfPap: no thx just candy
	man: Tell you what! You should celebrate too! Here's a birthday hat!
	KingOfPap: k can i have candy plz
	man: Well you know what, I have something for you that's so much better than candy. /tosses "Would You Like To Know God Personally?" tract in bucket
	KingOfPap: /opens, observes illustration y is there a chasm here y cant god just build a bridge
	KingOfPap: y do u have to circmnavigate a cross to get to the othr side
	man: The Lord works in mysterious ways! /shuts door
	KingOfPap: :(
	KingOfPap: hmmz /puts on birthday hat under sheet
	KingOfPap: . . .
	KingOfPap: popelbon!
	KingOfPap: /trudges back to street, banging plastic jack-o-lantern bucket against leg with every step
	SteakGrowsOnDmitri: the f*** bitch i'm kill you in half
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: eat my s*** supremabitch /flings bat
	KingOfPap: o no
	OnlineHost The bat has hit Jonathan Papelbon in the hat and knocked off his costume.
	KingOfPap: u ruind my popelbon costum!!!
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: what
	SteakGrowsOnDmitri: ain't worth it brah he just a f***in dumbass
	KingOfPap: what u guys doin
	SteakGrowsOnDmitri: trick a treatin ya want some i cain't eat it all /produces blood-stained box of Fruit by the Foot
	KingOfPap: nop givs me cavitys welp
	SteakGrowsOnDmitri: welp
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: welp
	KingOfPap: ummmmmmm u want to play spies
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: spies
	KingOfPap: ya i can be agent dangr and fin out who has th best candy
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: /shrugs aight
	KingOfPap: ok action plan go! /trudges to another doorstep, banging plastic jack-o-lantern bucket against leg with every step
	SteakGrowsOnDmitri: think thats the most dumb f***in dude ive ever met
	KingOfPap: /rings doorbell
	old_woman: Hello, young man! Who are you dressed up as?
	KingOfPap: jon paplbon
	old_woman: You look just like the real Jonathan Papelbon! You're so precious!
	KingOfPap: thx but im the real jon paplbon
	old_woman: /chuckles Maybe someday, little man! /dumps three Tootsie Rolls in bucket
	KingOfPap: ok thx but for rly im the real jon paplbon
	old_woman: You'd best get along, little boy, before your mother gets worried! Be safe, pumpkin! /shuts door
	KingOfPap: grrrrrrrr /stomps back to street, banging plastic jack-o-lantern bucket against leg with every step
	SteakGrowsOnDmitri: well sup brah
	KingOfPap: /points to house u need to go chok that bich out
	DudeYerGettinADelmon: why
	KingOfPap: shes yearnin fr a learnin

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Photos link to player info. WordUpThome.com Photo Credit: Getty, Creative Commons

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ON FACEBOOK

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