As a blogger with no real job, I spend most of my day loading and refreshing FanHouse, looking for something to write about. Imagine my shock and dismay yesterday upon seeing Tom Fornelli's report that Jane Austen invented the game of baseball.

Frankly, this changes everything. From now on I'm going to start writing Dugouts in the spirit of which the game itself was created. I'm going to wear a hat in the style of Abraham Lincoln to my next pick-up game, and I'm going to film at least six new innings for Ken Burns' Baseball to be played before the program that feature men and women about to play baseball, but handicapped by their inability to tell the opposing side whether their runner was safe or out.

Today's Dugout is after the jump.

The Dugout

	Online Host Welcome to the Longbourn Chatroom!
	LadyConstable: How could you do it?
	LoveGrowsOnDmitri: cause i believed your sista was indifferent
	LadyConstable: Indifferent??
	LoveGrowsOnDmitri: i observed they asses most curfully an realized his attachment was far deeper than hers
	LadyConstable: That's because she's shy!
	LoveGrowsOnDmitri: my lil brah, too, was modestly persuaded that that bitch didn't feel strongly
	LadyConstable: Because you suggested it!
	LoveGrowsOnDmitri: i did it for his own good
	LadyConstable: My sister hardly shows her true feelings to me... /silence I suppose his ... fortune had some bearing?
	LoveGrowsOnDmitri: yee girl - delmon richer than lady bertram an cap'n freddie wentworth put together
	LadyConstable: I see.
	LoveGrowsOnDmitri: it was clear that a advantageous marriage would be the worse option possible
	LadyConstable: Did my sister give that impression?
	LoveGrowsOnDmitri: naw there was, however, the matter of ya damn family
	LadyConstable: Our want of connection? Mr. Throwwood did not seem to object...
	LoveGrowsOnDmitri: naw it was more than that
	LadyConstable: How, sir?
	LoveGrowsOnDmitri: it was the lack of propriety shown by ya moms, ya three hoodrat sistas, and even, on the occasion, your father
	Online Host Thunder crashes!
	MrDelmonThrowWood: /flings cricket bat
	LadyConstable: blarrrk
	MrDelmonThrowWood: boom, m'lady
	LoveGrowsOnDmitri: thats what you get fa bein proud an prejudiced
	LoveGrowsOnDmitri: ay where you been at i been suiting the hell out of a Lady Constable fo like fo-hunned pages
	MrDelmonThrowWood: ridin horses through fog, killin wealthy dowagers
	LoveGrowsOnDmitri: let me up on tha horse, gotta trot towards tha inn an pick up some muf****in turkish delights
	MrDelmonThrowWood: can't, they out a turkish delights
	LoveGrowsOnDmitri: bitch how do you know
	MrDelmonThrowWood: cause i stopped there on my way over to pick some up fo my damn self ya fat f***in muskateer
	LoveGrowsOnDmitri: ya playin righ
	MrDelmonThrowWood: they do have early 19th century M&Ms fa sale, only they called "emmes" an are just balls a chocolate throwed on the floor
	LoveGrowsOnDmitri: mmmm floor chocolate /checks pockets aw sh** i lef my pounds in my other pantaloons
	MrDelmonThrowWood: look at ya f***en legs homey how many pounds you plannin ta carry
	MrDelmonThrowWood: check the lady constable see if she got any tokens
	LoveGrowsOnDmitri: she ain't got sh**, her father only owns a medium-sized estate
	MrDelmonThrowWood: whaaaat why da f*** was you even botherin
	LoveGrowsOnDmitri: i dont know n***a, love?
	MrDelmonThrowWood: aight then take her heart
	LoveGrowsOnDmitri: sighhh, gimme a minute /picks up shovel

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Jane Austen's The Dugout

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Photos link to player info. (Photo Credit: Getty Images) WordUpThome.com

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