The Once-Over: Week 10

With attention spans dwindling, we forego full game-by-game previews to give you the essentials you need to know about every contest this glorious NFL weekend. Click here to go back in time.

The 1s

Buffalo (5-3) at New England (5-3): Hey, it's one of those games where both teams are in desperate need of a win to continue their playoff hopes and not totally crap the bed on the season! Good times. Trent Edwards was pitiful last week, an adjective that Matt Cassel is growing fond of. Want to know an interesting stat? Marshawn Lynch hasn't rushed for more than 83 yards in a game this season. I'm fairly certain you can look right at the ground game to understand why the Bills have lost three of their last four. Make that four of their last five.

Pick: New England

New Orleans (4-4) at Atlanta (5-3): Before the season started, what would the spread in this game have been? The Saints -7? -10? Thankfully for football fans all across this great land, Matt Ryan has joined forces with Michael Turner and made football enjoyable again for the folks of Peachtree Street. Brees and company had the week off, which must have been nice after the trip back from London, but not that nice when you realize Reggie Bush will still be in Las Vegas instead of on the sidelines. As much as I enjoy praising Brees for his year, it is pretty incredible what he has done with the list of receivers and backs he's had to deal with because of injury. If he had a full arsenal all season long I guarantee New Orleans would be 6-2. Well, a full core of receivers or a defense. That would help too.

Pick: New Orleans

Seattle (2-6) at Miami (4-4): I'm pretty certain if Chad Pennington and Greg Camarillo can have great chemistry, Seneca Wallace and Koren Robinson can too. Come on, you two, do it for the kids.

Pick: Seattle

Green Bay (4-4) at Minnesota (4-4): Mediocre versus underachieving, next on FOX! Honestly, isn't that the best way to describe this matchup? If I've said it once, I've said it a million times -- you never want to have your team's success hinging on a guy named Gus. I think that should go for all walks of life. Also, I see us about three weeks away from Adrian Peterson getting the hand-off, trying to shift and juke 12 guys that all lined up anticipating the run, being bum-rushed by a mob of defenders and basically just walking off the field while giving Brad Childress the bird. Wait and see...

Pick: Green Bay

St. Louis (2-6) at NY Jets (5-3): Did anyone else see the press conference last week when Brett Favre said that win was the best of his career? Honestly, how is this guy not drug tested hourly? The best of your career Brett? Whahuhidontgetwhatinthe ARGHHH!!! You won a Super Bowl dude. You know, the Super Bowl? That one with all the interviews and beers playing each other at halftime? A little piece of me dies anytime Favre opens his mouth and spouts of incongruous statements. Hopefully this week he scores and high-fives a cheerleader and tells the press after that the cheerleader was the best female he knows.

Pick: NY Jets

Tennessee (8-0) at Chicago (5-3): The good news -- Tennessee keeps winning. Its defense is tougher than my buddy Tres' cell phone. The offensive line is basically water-tight at this point and their running game has been exceptional. The bad news -- Chris Johnson said on ESPN this week that the drum celebration was basically a tribute to some of his role models: Terrell Owens, Chad Johnson and Deion Sanders. Eek! Why not just throw Mike Tyson out there as well?

Pick: Chicago

Jacksonville (3-5) at Detroit (0-8): What is the minimum amount of money someone would have to pay you to watch this entire game? I'm going with $185. I don't think I'd do it for $170 but if you bumped it up just a little more, I could probably justify it by saying something like, "Hey, watching this game is paying for my cable bill" or something. Some fun facts about the Lions -- they haven't had a rusher go for 100 yards this season, even though Dan Orlovsky is their quarterback (basically, sucky running with a suckier quarterback). In other news, Jacksonville has lost consecutive games to the Browns and the Chad Johnsons. I understand that David Garrard is more of a short-completion type quarterback, but at one point don't you have to change the formula when it keeps blowing up directly in your lab goggles? His longest pass of the year to date is 35 yards. Also, if the Lions can't win this game, they have no chance of winning another game this season. Zero chance. 0. Zilch. Cero.

Pick: Jacksonville

Baltimore (5-3) at Houston (3-5): Wow, two quarterbacks that you would be surprised to hear going against each other in an SEC game. Sage Rosenfels versus Joe Flacco. If Matt Schaub was starting this game I'd say the Texans were a lock but come on, Rosenfels? I'm still confused why the Houston writers don't call him Rut-Ro Rosenfels yet. That is the nickname I've voted for (Even though Rosenchoppa is pretty hilarious). With Schaub out, the Texans offense will be looking at rookie sensation Steve Slaton to carry the load, which would be a lot easier if the Ravens defense wasn't so stingy. Ray Lewis and company haven't allowed a 100-yard rusher in 27 consecutive games.

Pick: Baltimore

The 4s

Carolina (6-2) at Oakland (2-6): The Panthers are to the NFC what the Titans are to the AFC. A great defense, a quarterback without a lot of flaws but nothing too flashy, and a running game that can post some points when need be. The Raiders, well, they aren't really a lot like the Titans. Good news though, they are the highest payroll in the NFL! The Knicks couldn't be more proud. Also, I just wanted to point out, I have Brees as my fantasy quarterback and with the bye last week, had to waiver a quarterback. The most capable (sic) quarterback was JaMarcus Russell. Yep, that turned out well.

Pick: Carolina

Indianapolis (4-4) at Pittsburgh (6-2): The Colts are dead! The Colts are back! They're dead, they're back, I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! Why don't we all agree on this -- when you have the best decision-maker in the game, you are never dead until that guy gets hurt (see Patriots, New England). Also, as much as I love PFT and use them all the time because, frankly, they are better at what we do than I am, this had to be a joke, right? Seriously bringing up the idea that Byron Leftwich could take over the starting position for Ben Roethlisberger? Like my buddy in Las Vegas said, who bet the Redskins, "When Leftwich came in, it was like the clouds parted and light started to shine down." Yep, that isn't exactly the image you want as your starting quarterback, sorry Florio. I still love you though. <3 Blogger hug!

Pick: Pittsburgh

Kansas City (1-7) at San Diego (3-5): If LaDainian Tomlinson doesn't rush for 300 yards and four touchdowns against this defense, I will be holding the Fantasy Funeral at my place around noon on Wednesday. All are welcome, there will be a fruit loaf.

Pick: San Diego

SNF

NY Giants (7-1) at Philadelphia (5-3): It's the beasts of the NFC East, playing in prime time, with Madden!!! What more could you ask for? I think it is worth noting that if Eli Manning has that flat of a game this Sunday like he did against the Cowboys (and don't talk stats, Manning didn't look very good), Philly will have another reason to get really drunk in the streets and flip cars over. I like Philadelphia at home here just because Donovan McNabb is due for one of those "he can win the big game" games before he falls flat on his face in the first round of the playoffs with a quarterback rating around the same digits as Bush approval.

Pick: Philadelphia

MNF

San Francisco (2-6) at Arizona (5-3): I have been starring at my computer screen for the past 12 minutes trying to come up with the best Tony Kornheiser joke here. Honestly, I'm at a blank. Is there any chance Kornheiser knows anyone in this game besides Matt Leinart? Speaking of Leinart (and Quinn), why do players wear eye black at night? Honestly, are the lights from the stadium so bright that they need to attract the bulbs away from their eyes? Also, if you're a backup quarterback and you are applying eye black before a game, it could be time to reevaluate your life. Just a thought.

Pick: Arizona