We are entering the Seige Perilous of the offseasion, and when we emerge we will be forever changed. I've spent the last two days meticulously going over the rumors, data, and transactions of baseball's Winter Meetings and have gathered them here for you in succinct, online comic form. Every newsbit is here: How much money Francisco Rodriguez is getting to play for the Mets, where star reliver "K-Rod" will end up, and what's in store for former Angels pitcher Frank Rodriguez. It's all here!

Tonight's late night Dugout is after the jump. And if you're just joining us, don't forget to read Jon's take on the Greg Maddux retirement announcement, which is amazing.

The Dugout

	Online Host Welcome to the Winter Meetings Rain Delay Chatroom!
	WordUpThome: WHAT, NO
	WordUpThome: NO YOU HAVE TO GIVE ME THE LATEST NEWS ON FRANCISCO K. RODRIGUEZ SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING
	Online Host Instead of tonight's regularly scheduled Dugout, we bring you an episode of The Dating Game 2008 with Chuck Woolery!
	2And2AlwaysMakesAFive: Hey there everybody and welcome to The Dating Game, I'm your host Chuck Woolery, you may remember me from such shows as Love Connection, Scrabble, or the television version of Scene It! Hannah Montana Edition.
	2And2AlwaysMakesAFive: Jim Lange couldn't be here because he's secretly been dead for the past 28 years
	2And2AlwaysMakesAFive: You know how the game works so let's get right to it and meet our first contestant. Please welcome "Megan!"
	Online Host TheBachelorette has entered the chatroom!
	2And2AlwaysMakesAFive: Tell us a little bit about yourself, Megan.
	TheBachelorette: Wellll, I like hot guyz, frank sexual discussion, and my name is pronounced "May-gan" for no discernable reason!
	2And2AlwaysMakesAFive: Ha ha! That's great. Now it's time to meet your bachelors... Online Host, tell us about Megan's choices.
	Online Host Heeee's a 42 year-old retiree from San Angelo, Texas who may go down as the greatest pitcher in the history of baseball, please welcome Bachelor #1!
	Bachelor_1: /swallows oatmeal /stares expressionless at television cameras
	Online Host He's a 46 year-old forced retiree from Dayton, Ohio whose show application was smeared with lard and included a mason jar full of bloody cotton balls, it's Bachelor #2!
	Bachelor_2: /stands up /wipes wet spot from seat of stool /sits back down
	Online Host And finally, he's a 32 year old from Wichita, Kansas who is described by his friends as "Kenneth from 30 Rock if he were hyper-violent," please welcome fan-kicking enthusiast Bachelor #3!
	b4ch3l0r_3: parton me im in the middel of a very importent phone call
	Bachelor_1: is it with Jack Bauer, because I have never seen you look so much like Tony Almeida.
	b4ch3l0r_3: it is with either the royals or the rockies i forgot to axe
	b4ch3l0r_3: also shut yer moustache-ditch before i drive the hot rod lincoln that is my fist into it
	Bachelor_2: excuse me could you guys have this conversation later i'm trying to bag a 17 year old here
	2And2AlwaysMakesAFive: /makes worked smirky face All right then, Maygen ask your first question.
	TheBachelorette: ownkay, Bachelor #1, tell me about your perfect date.
	Bachelor_1: Well, I'd bring you flowers, take you to a nice restaurant, somewhere fancy... then I'd urinate on you and we'd watch reruns of The Fresh Prince until we were driven apart by the inevitable march of time.
	TheBachelorette: /looks at cards Bachelor #2, same question?
	Bachelor_2: i would inject you with shark testosterone while statutorily raping you, then we would take turns beating up my son
	TheBachelorette: Bachelor #3?
	b4ch3l0r_3: an if i pitch for you i wanna be the ace, i dont wanna be in the shadow a that blue motorcycle riden- wait, we are ALL of us living in the shadow of him?? what is that even spost to mean hole on
	b4ch3l0r_3: what
	TheBachelorette: Bachelor #3 tell me about your perfect date
	b4ch3l0r_3: i spend all after-noon baken a traditional wedden cake with marzipan or fondant that is dense an strong enough to holt the decorations while still bein edible -- the epitome of my crafsmanship
	b4ch3l0r_3: then i eat the entire thing with my bare hands while whompen the donk out a some eight year old on halo
	TheBachelorette: YYyyyokay!!! Bachelor #1, I hear that the way a man pitches tells you how he is in the bedroom! What's your pitching style?
	Bachelor_1: slow, purposeful, and I do what you'd least expect, you never know what I'm gonna throw next!
	TheBachelorette: Heeyy!! Bachelor #2?
	Bachelor_2: hard and fast, but always in the right spots! i can go all nine innings!
	TheBachelorette: Oooo! Bachelor #3?
	b4ch3l0r_3: i do the same thing over and over with little success
	b4ch3l0r_3: an if you ever confront me about it i pummel you mercilestly until your carried off the fielt
	TheBachelorette: Bachelor #1, I love a winner! Tell me, how many wins do you have in your career?
	Bachelor_1: 355
	TheBachelorette: Bachelor #2?
	Bachelor_2: 354
	Bachelor_1: pffffffff hahahah
	Bachelor_2: hey shut up i'm not even officially retired yet for realsies i could pitch next year and then who'd be laughing
	Bachelor_1: me, because of how hilarious it would be to see you pitching for somebody like the Rockies
	b4ch3l0r_3: wait are the rockies bad /puts hand over phone are they bad i had no idea who they were until a few minets ago i thought i was on the phone with a canadienne foot ball team
	b4ch3l0r_3: sorry mr. mom's fort, some guys just said your bad so if you want me on the team your gonna have to trade... ....uh...../puts hand over phone again
	b4ch3l0r_3: hey can anybody tell me a player on the rockies
	Bachelor_1: no
	Bachelor_2: no
	TheBachelorette: no
	2And2AlwaysMakesAFive: no
	Online Host no
	WordUpThome: NO
	b4ch3l0r_3: no
	Online Host Wait, Troy Tulowitzki.
	b4ch3l0r_3: looooool that aint a real player
	TheBachelorette: Bachelor #3, how many wins do you have in your career?
	b4ch3l0r_3: 30
	Bachelor_1: whaaat
	Bachelor_2: no way
	b4ch3l0r_3: yes way dickbag i just checked wickerpedia an thats what it said, i had no idea i mean, how did i win 30 games
	2And2AlwaysMakesAFive: We're running out of spaces on this template so Megan, Maygen, we need you to make a decision.
	TheBachelorette: All right, Bachelor #1 seems like a really sweet guy, and his career is RILLY impressive, buuuuut, he just doesn't seem interesting enough for me! Sorry!
	maddux.xmission.com: /stands up, calmly walks off set
	TheBachelorette: Bachelor #2 seems like a real wild man, but I'm a good girl, hur hur!
	Bachelor_2: hey woolery how old did you say this broad was again
	2And2AlwaysMakesAFive: Maygen is 22.
	OldLOL: nuts to this /lays on belly, writhers off set
	TheBachelorette: And I DEFNITELY don't want Bachelor #4, eww!
	Bachelor_4: wull now I'm sore! What a waste of m'time! (I'm just kiddin' Megan, I had a lotta fun!)
	TheBachelorette: syooooo, my choice is... Bachelor #3!
	2And2AlwaysMakesAFive: Let's bring him out! Bachelor #3 is Kyle Farnsworth! Kyle hopes a team will sign him before Springtime to continue his Salieri-esque professional career!
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: hole up what is this show again, is it the one with the bisexual what looks like the peace frog an attempt at love with teela from he-man
	2And2AlwaysMakesAFive: No, this is The Dating Game!
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: is it one of the spinoffs, like "a dry run at love with the girl who dated the guy who dated the girl who dated the guy what dated rodeo from rock of love: bus edition"
	2And2AlwaysMakesAFive: no this is the dating game
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: well then make with the date fat sajak
	2And2AlwaysMakesAFive: This is Megan, who you've been talking to for some time! Megan enjoys body surfing, hanging out with friends, and dancing!
	TheBachelorette: omg hyiiiii <3
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: oh you look interesting /dismisses with wanking motion egsqueeze me i got a phone call
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: hello yes, this is francisco rodriguez
	pr0FF3ss0r_F4rnsw0rth: 51 million dollars you say

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