Joe Paterno Tries to Be Oldest Human Ever to Teach People Things, Gets 3-Year Extension

I really couldn't beat this lead if I tried, so I will step back and let FightonState.com take the reins for a minute.

Months of speculation that Penn State might be operating under a hip, new coach in 2009 is about to come to an end. Instead, the Nittany Lions will have, well, a coach with a slick new hip in '09.

That, ladies and gents, is the perfect way to say that 81-year-old Joe Paterno, who spent most of the year away from the sidelines and in a booth, has landed a three-year extension from Penn State, making him unofficially the oldest human to ever live (haven't checked the facts yet).

FightOnState.com has learned from several university sources that Paterno and Penn State have agreed in principle to a multi-year contract extension that will keep him at the helm of the Nittany Lion football program for at least three more seasons. The sources spoke on the condition of anonymity.

The deal is expected to be signed and announced by the end of the week.

I would have to say, Paterno is really breaking the trend of "old men struggling in 2008." John McCain lost the election, Bobby Bowden finished a disappointing 5-3 in the ACC and Lute Olson quit after pulling the college basketball equivalent of a Brett Favre.

This would be the season Paterno would feel the need to come back. Penn State was one loss away from possibly making the national championship and is getting to face USC in the Rose Bowl.

Something crazier than that? Paterno has been on staff with Penn State since 1950! Did you know that I just read online, dirt was actually founded in 1956. Paterno's coaching career is OLDER THAN DIRT! Tell all your friends.

Joe Paternos Career

Penn State coach Joe Paterno, who turns 82 on Sunday, has reportedly agreed to a contract extension that will extend his tenure at the school by at least three years. Click through to recap JoePa's career.

Carolyn Kaster, AP

Paterno, seen here in 1965, began his coaching career as an assistant coach at Penn State in 1950. He initially thought his coaching career would be short and he would enter law school.

Paterno became Penn State's head coach in 1966, taking the reigns from his retiring college coach at Brown, Rip Engle.

Penn State went 5-5 in Paterno's first year, but the school became a national powerhouse with perfect seasons in 1968 and 1969 and 11 straight bowl trips from 1973-1983.

The Nittany Lions won their first national championship following the 1982 season, beating Georgia in the Sugar Bowl. They repeated the feat in the 1986 season with an Orange Bowl win over Miami.

Paterno celebrated his 324th victory in 2001. The Lions topped Ohio State at home, 29-27, to make Paterno the winningest coach in NCAA history.

Jamie Squire, Getty Images

Paterno relinquished the lead for career wins to another veteran, Florida State's Bobby Bowden, for a stretch, but holds the record once again. Paterno also owns the record for career bowl game victories.

Jamie Squire, Getty Images

A seven-foot bronze sculpture of Paterno leading his players stands outside Beaver Stadium. The monument was erected shortly after Paterno became the career leader in wins in 2001.

Pat Little, AP

Paterno was a living legend by the start of this decade and his old-school image even became marketable. A string a mediocre seasons from 2000 through 2004 prompted questions though about the veteran's ability to coach in the modern age. He responded with an 11-1 record and a Big Ten title in 2005.

Jacqueline Larma, AP

Paterno suffered a severe knee injury while on the sidelines during a game at Wisconsin in 2006. He was forced to coach from a skybox for a stretch afterward.

Morry Gash, AP