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Joe Paterno's Statue Is More Realistic, Less Hallowed Than You Think

Jan 6, 2009 – 8:51 AM
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Brian Cook

Brian Cook %BloggerTitle%

What's your instant reaction to this bit of hijinks?

COACH Joe Paterno's glasses are classics in their own right, and now somebody has taken the glasses from the Paterno statue at Beaver Stadium.

University police reported the disappearance between Jan. 2 and 3 and are investigating it as a theft and criminal mischief.

Is it "holy crap, you can take the glasses off Joe Paterno's statue?" I think it should be, because I think of statues as large pieces of metal that you can't disassemble without a blowtorch, not fancy mannequins.

Can you remove JoePa's shoes? His jacket? His shirt? Can you sensuously trail your finger down his chest as you reach for his belt, feeling his rock-hard bronzed abs slip past? Should I stop this train of thought about four sentences ago?

Yes, yes I should. All I know is that if I see a headline along the lines of "Paterno statue's pants, honor taken" I am going to be very, very disappointed in State College, Pennsylvania.

Filed under: Sports