Michael Phelps Lost Thousands Playing Beer Pong on Bong Night

Michael Phelps, on the night he got caught with a bong at a South Carolina fraternity party, had lost upward of $2,000 playing beer pong. Trust me, it's hard to make it in those cups when you can't quit laughing.

"I saw Phelps pull out a roll, a bank-wrapped $2,000. He said, 'I'll match the $2,000,' " onlooker Michael Whitworth told the State newspaper. "Good ol' Phelpsie lost it, too."

What Mr. Whitworth didn't tell us was who his partner was. That is who I hold responsible for all these shenanigans.

See, if, per sé, I had ever bet money on a beer pong game, it would have probably been 40-50 percent more than I would have bet if I was sober. Say, as a college kid in Tucson, I bet $100 on a game (remember this is all hypothetical). Now, say my roommate -- we will call him "Will" for fun -- doesn't like to bet money. He is my teammate in this hypothetical beer pong game, and he is nervous and out of his element because there is more on the line than room temperature Keystone Light. Will struggles all through the game, making us lose because "Andrew" and "Ryan" (our hypothetical opponents) catch fire, (you SOBs!), and beat me. I just lost $100 on stupid beer pong because of Will and his nerves.

Wait, where was I going with this? Oh yeah, Phelps lost $2,000 during Bong-a-palooza. Too bad Rick Reilly wasn't there to Ed Hardy up the entire event.